The Person Who Tells

When a tragedy happens to an individual, there is someone in their life who is The Person Who Tells.  He/she spreads the word and any updates.  Being that person is part ego trip and part anxiety release.

There is a feeling of importance as you somberly tell others, "X died" or "Y is in the hospital."  The thrill of morbid gossip watching reactions.  Of course there is that underlying fear of if that happened to him, it could happen to me!  So, the more details you have, the safer you feel.  Oh, they fell.  The family has a history of [condition].

I used to really enjoy being The Person Who Tells.  It was like living a soap opera.  Oh the savory drama! Then, I wound up on the other side.  The tragedy happened to me.  I found out what was said and who was told what afterwards.  It felt very violating.  Half wasn't true and half was very private medical information.  As I was dealing with my own recovery, I encountered people with really inappropriate reactions/questions.

One of my co-workers is dealing with a personal tragedy this week and as I have dealt with the work Person Who Tells, I find myself getting annoyed with every hushed update followed by "Oh my God.." reactions.  Then I remind myself there is a level of fear being dissipated with each update.  But for those of us who have been on the other side, the updates don't release anything.  We know how suddenly the world can change.

The Person Who Tells hasn't had experience with life's sound and fury.  I wound up being a Person Who Tells a couple years after my own tragedy and I fell into a very deep depression afterwards.  There was no joy in the drama and each update reminded me of the hospitals, the tests, and machines.  In fact, I believe the inexperienced are the perfect People Who Tell.  They have no baggage and heck if anyone can enjoy such a horrible situation, let ignorance be bliss.

The Home That Made You or Vice Versa?

As I have been looking into new towns and places to move to, I started wondering what type of person/life do I want to have. Do I imagine myself working out at an apartment complex gym or coming home to an air conditioned place in the middle of July or using a coin-op dryer in the communal laundry room?

I remember my place in Waltham and all the parties I threw there. My 30th birthday party was EPIC! I lived there from 2002 to 2009. Yeah sure, I had no place to park during a winter storm and the neighbors were a bit sketchy but I really liked who I was there! Here's the question: did the fact that I had a 1,000+ square foot apartment with hard wood floors influence who I was back then? Did all the space and amenities open me up as a person? Or was it my age and other factors?  I had a claw foot bathtub fer chrisakes!

On the flip side, I have been in my current apartment since October 2009 and I feel like a cramped lunatic some days. This place is barely 650 square feet. I have never thrown a party here because there would be no place to sit and in the winter, people would break something getting to my place then in the summer it's a sweat lodge. I do have parking during blizzards but I have not been able to take a bath for over four years. It's either this place or who I have become that has really limited my life.

Obviously, the bathtub is going to be a huge factor for my new place.  I would like to get back to throwing parties.  It's exciting and scary considering a new home that will see me into my forties!

Apartment Wish-list

• Cats allowed
• Gas or electric heat
• Near commuter rail
• Parking with snow removal
• Big gorgeous bathtub
• Laundry in apartment
• Dishwasher
• A hutch
• Security lights
• Commute to work under 20 minutes.
• Non-smoking building
• Involved landlord/building management