Sunday, October 30, 2016

Super Boss Was Walking Antibiotics

This week has been utter misery but at least there is slight improvement in my future. The last time I had a cold was January 2015. I've had a cough for three weeks and now I have bronchitis. My doctor gave me an inhaler, Zpack, and a cough suppressant. The coughing has also set off my costochondritis. So lying down hurts.  The only way I have been getting sleep is doped up on cough medicine. I took three days off from work to recover. I am feeling a lot better now.

Me being me, I felt guilty being home so I did a ton of stuff around the apartment which made me sicker but at least I swapped out my summer clothes, cleaned the kitchen, and got my SHRM studying done! Also a very negative news article was published about my workplace that was full of lies and insulted the professional integrity of Super Boss and the other managers who resigned. I was boiling mad and very sad.

I went back to work Friday and of course no one handled any of the work piling up on the analyst group while I was out.  Why?  Because I am the only one who know how to do anything now. So, that was completely overwhelming and infuriating. On top of that, I was on a conference call meeting where New Boss totally took over the discussion of my deliverable and very obviously had no idea what he was talking about but kept talking. I got so angry, I left the meeting.

There will be two new analysts starting next month and a new manager (Super Boss' old position). So, there is still a glimmer of hope for me.  I also asked for a raise.  I don't know if New Boss has mentioned it to the Chief yet. There is this voice inside me that keeps telling me "Maybe it will get better." and my mother has pointed out that I don't have a long fuse, that am doing as much as possible to change my current situation.


Sunday, October 16, 2016

My First Cold in 18 Months

Well, I am so stressed my body is feeling the impact. Not only am I hacking up a lung, my acid reflux is so bad, I have no enamel left on my teeth. That was a horrifying surprise from recent dentist visits! By the way, I found a really awesome dentist who gets me numb, is respectful, and answers my questions. I need fluoride treatments, most of my fillings replaced and possible crowns.

There have been a couple bright spots in my life recently. I had dinner with Super Boss a couple weeks ago. We went to J.M. Curley and had a yummy dinner. It was nice to see him happy and know that we have a lot to talk about beyond work. I tried not to but we did talk about work. Afterwards, he gave me a tour of the Downtown Crossing Roche Brothers because I've never been and he loves the place. We were also a little buzzed.

I have also been roped into a compensation study at work. That makes me happy because I get to use everything I am learning in SHRM certification classes. Plus, it is the 20% creativity sweet spot every analyst dreams of. So, work isn't completely awful. It's just exhausting and frustrating.

Job interview #2 was cancelled because they are hiring internally. I am still waiting to hear about #1.

Sunday, October 02, 2016

Waiting For Coming Together



Each morning going to work, I mentally compose my resignation letter. This job used to feel like coming home, I would smile most of the day, and arrive home feeling good. Now this job runs me ragged, asks me to compromise my ethics, and I come home miserable. Not only that I feel utterly alone and no one cares about the things I have been taught to care about. 

This week I decided to be a whistleblower rather than sitting through another week of co-workers grumbling about if X was discovered, we would be facing lawsuits. I analyzed the data to confirm that the situation was really that bad, researched compliance laws, emailed the company oversight department and the CHRO. When the lawsuits get handed out, at least I did my due diligence. The buck doesn't stop with our GM, CFO, or COO. It stops with me and my morals.

I cried every day this week. Worker Bee Analyst will be splitting his time between us and his new job. His new job starts October 10. So that isn't necessarily the end of the world. New Boss does not understand the daily work we do. He doesn't even use our HRIS system. I have no idea why we report to him other than the fact he's the only senior management that hasn't resigned. He's nice and easy to talk to but he can't help me with work questions.

Thursday was the nadir of this week. In the morning I had to meet with three departments to hammer out an implementation plan that needs to be done before Worker Bee moves on. New boss had no idea there needed to be an implementation plan so I was the one who had to run the meeting. It went well and was over quickly. I got back to my office, closed my door, and cried. I don't think I have been allowing myself to miss Super Boss because it would hurt too much and paralyze me. This week I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to hold back the missing. I am so tired being the expert in the room. I am depleted from answering nonstop questions. I am not a manager and have been making decisions way above my pay grade because I have no one to defer to. I miss Super Boss every day.

Thursday afternoon got a lot worse. I was offsite during my lunchtime and on my way back I grabbed  something to eat at my desk. When I got to my desk, there were two emails from New Boss asking for one of the Analyst team to come downstairs to a meeting. Baby and Worker Bee Analyst weren't around so I took a bite of my sandwich. New Boss shows up frazzled in the doorway. He couldn't find any of us (he knew about my meeting). He asked me to go to the meeting and chime in if needed.  I went downstairs and I WAS TOLD TO PRESENT! For a meeting not on my calendar with no preparation.

This is why I have decided that I need to leave. I deserve a job that supports me financially and professionally. I am tired of the tears, the dread, the outrage that quickly dissipates because it's the same old bullshit, different tune. I had an interview this past week that I think went well. I have another for a different job October 14.