Half Your Genetic Material Day

Today I did not change my Facebook picture to one of my father.  I did not spend any time with him.  In fact, I tried to treat today like any other Sunday.  Every year this damn holiday shoves in my face that I did not have a supportive loving father.  Instead, I had a violent mentally ill man who held our household in a grip of misery who called himself my father.

Oh, don't worry, I've done therapy.  I'm gone through the grieving, blame, and anger.   But this holiday picks at my emotional scabs.  Every Father's Day card is like a needle in my heart.  "Thank you for protecting me" - nope.  "For the best Father who made me feel loved and special" - negatory.  I tried the whole no one has a happy family route for a couple years to cope.  But there are happy families out there.  Mine wasn't one.  In my extended family there are a bunch of great dads so I kinda derive some comfort from that.  I lost my Grandpa in March.  He was my alternate dad so I'm really missing him.

After my stroke, I had a lot of problems talking.  I couldn't coordinate my tongue and mouth, my voice sounded flat, and there was a delay between what I thought and said.  One summer afternoon, my grandfather saw that I was crying at a family party.  He stopped me and told me, "Anna, you speak fine."  He just knew.

After my stroke, my father told me that he hoped that I would never recover.  Yeah not celebrating that asshole.

So, if today is not a holiday for you, or you find the need for a vat of wine,  I wanted to let you know that you're not alone.  It sucks but survivable.  I hope this can give you a chuckle.

Chattanooga Hasn't Seen the Last of Me

Over Memorial Day weekend I flew down to Chattanooga, TN to attend my best friend from college's wedding.  I flew in on Friday going Boston to Charlotte, Charlotte to Chattanooga.  I don't fly a lot due to 5 years of unemployment and that time I woke up after a long flight and had a stroke.  So,  there was a lot of anxiety at first.  There was internet research on how to pack and what's allowed/not allowed on flights now.  I find study mode really helps anxiety.

Flying out of Boston was pretty good.  I was zone 1 and had a window seat.  I was also seated next to a man who has a fear of flying so he drinks heavily to make it through a flight.  He wasn't loud or gross, just really chatty and reeked of alcohol.  He also paid $7 for a Bud Light.  Hey, I had compression socks on, took a double dose of aspirin and had downed a liter of water to fight my DVT fear.  Diffferent strokes for different folks.

Charlotte airport is huge and awesome!  I love that they have white rocking chairs in public seating areas.  Also, they have device charging stations in atriums.  The automatic walkways were fun too.  I only had 45 minutes between flights so I had to haul ass.  The plane to Chattanooga was one of those tiny 13 row 4 seats across (2 on either side of the aisle) kinds.  I had to walk out on the tarmac to board.  New and a little alarming!  It was a short yet scenic flight, only an hour and flying over the Smoky Mountains.

Chattanooga airport is teeny tiny.  One store and no restaurant.  I grabbed a taxi and headed to my hotel.  The taxi driver was really nice and we had a nice chat/tour on the ride over.  One of my favorite moments was when she pointed out one of the oldest houses around dating from all the way back to 1800.  Oooh!  Such history, while I live in Quincy surrounded by houses from the 1600's.  Ha!

La Quinta is a nice hotel with comfortable beds, a really good breakfast, but in a really shitty part of Chattanooga.  I would say it's a good place to stay if you rent a car because only robbery or murder is within walking distance.  That night, my bride to be friend took me out here.  It is a really cute place tucked away across the Tennessee River.  This is how they do a caesar salad:

That is a cone of toasted cheese.  I also discovered a yummy Cabernet Sauvignon from Hendry Ranch. Very plummy and smooth.  We had a great time chatting and eating delicious food.  I had lamb, she had trout.  I get snobby about my seafood in landlocked states.  Then we shared an amaretto soufflé.  The drive back to the hotel was basically food coma mumblings.

The next morning I made friends at breakfast with two gentlemen from Fort Worth, TX.  Oh yeah, La Quinta has a waffle making iron for their breakfast.  Fab!  There was an open house at my friend and fiancé's home where I got to meet a bunch of really great people, friends and family of the happy couple.  Their place is absolutely gorgeous with a lot of land, very quiet, and gorgeous architecture I think after that open house, half of us were seriously considering relocating.  That night we had a four course meal here.  Lots of deliciousness, free flowing wine, and great people.  They serve an amazing cold strawberry soup that everyone was raving about.  Afterwards, we went out for drinks here.  I had a mojito and a patron Margarita both were delicious and decently priced.  I hopped a cab and went back to the hotel.  Oh yeah, service to downtown is only $3!  Take that Boston.  Service to the airport is at least $30 though.

As I went through these gastronomical tours, I was making a mental list of places I need to see when I come back.  Such as Lookout Mountain, the aquarium, and Tennessee River tour.  Sunday morning, bride to be, myself, and another friend had brunch here.  I had the Grand Marnier soaked French toast and vats of coffee.  Also, we had mentioned to our server that we were having a pre-wedding brunch so we got a complimentary 5 layer chocolate cake.  I'm pretty sure I killed my liver and pancreas after this trip!

The wedding was here.  It was non-traditional which had an interesting effect on guests.  Some people are so used to The Way a Wedding Should Be, anything off-book freaks them out.  I was the unofficial maid of honor, unofficial since they did not have a wedding party.  I helped the bride get ready and handed out programs.  The unofficial best man was the usher.  Here's the cool thing they did - instead of a guest book, they had a cookbook and had guests sign over their favorite recipe. They also had a string trio.  The wedding was amazing and moving.  The reception was the best I've ever seen.  The bride and groom picked out the DJ's playlist so it was a perfect combo of classic 80's and 90's music.  I danced for 3 hours with barely a break.  I'd try to sit down, then I'd hear the opening of the next song, and it was my jam so I had to dance!  Also, there was a conga line to Dance Like an Egyptian.  I danced in strappy wedges to House of Pain (now I have feet of pain).  There was an open bar.  I had totally forgotten about Whiskey Sours until a wedding guest reminded me!  Mmmm...

The upshot is that Chattanooga is an awesome place with a vibrant, funky downtown.  Lots of activities to do around the city and is maneuverable with or without a car.  I met a bunch of great people and my friend married her best friend.  Seriously, they unshriveled my cynical heart.  It was also sunny and in the 80's all weekend.  Kids, seniors, and adult will enjoy it there!

What to Do When Your City is Attacked

After you have checked that your loved ones are safe, find any way you can help.  Boston set up a website where we could sign up to help house stranded marathon runners and the Red Cross asked not to donate any more blood this week.  The need is continuous so donate away in the future.  Various Boston hospitals have wish-lists on Amazon where you can donate needed items.   You can help financially here.  Most importantly, it’s good to be informed, but you have to limit the amount of news you watch.  With the Boston attack, it became obvious that reporters/news outlets were salivating and loved spreading fear with occasional misinformation.

Allow yourself to freakout in small spurts if that helps.  Don’t wallow and get sucked into what-ifs.  Also, be mindful that people process fear and anxiety differently so it’s important to be compassionate and cut people some slack.  Personally, I let myself be upset Wednesday.  I’ve had to work through two cases of PTSD in the past twelve years so I know what is triggering and what is helpful.  The story I tell myself is that all of us have a veil of denial that we’ll live forever and nothing can hurt us.  Once that veil is ripped away, it takes a lot of work to get back to the normal level of denial – the veil back in place.  It’s like you go about your day but you are aware of the veil of denial so it doesn’t protect, it flickers in your periphery.

If you wake up one morning and discover your city is on lockdown and there’s a murderer loose, enjoy the lack of traffic on your commute while you make a mental list of everyone you know in the lockdown zone.   Accept the fact that you won’t be very productive at work as you refresh news sites for updates between waiting for your shelter in place people to check in about their status.

Finally, make sure you’re around loved ones and alcohol is plentiful the evening of lockdown day.   I was safe with a belly full of good food and margarita on hand as I watched the capture of the second suspect.  No better way to end the attack chapter.  Also, humor is a saving grace!  Best thing I read Friday night, “In Soviet Union you escape on boat! In America, boat traps you! What a country!

I think this is great:

Boston's Arc du Fort

To memorialize this past week, I'd love to see an arch over Boylston street.  At the apex of the arch could be some kind of scuplture or carving that symbolizes running.  Each corner could be for each fatality.  In my rough clip art version below,  I put the two youngest victims on the bottom.  Lingzi studied Stats, so a graph and Martin was still a child so a teddy bear.  From the news, I have heard about how kind and generous Krystle was so hand and heart and Sean apparently was born to be a policeman.  Since France has an Arc de Triomph, that's triumph, I think Boston should have an arch of strength.  This would make an easy finish line for the next 116 years of marathons.

Living in Interesting Times

Checking in on April 15, 2013

I have lived outside Boston for thirty-two years.  My dad worked in Boston and during February or April vacation, I would go into work with him.  I've stood on the sidelines handing out water to marathoners.  My first job after college was around the corner from Copley Square.

Today, I am counting my blessings that my family and friends are all safe and sound.  I am also very thankful that I don't have any children because how can you explain this kind of evil to an innocent?

In combination with obsessive cleaning,  and crying jags, I started looking here and here.  Because of course there has to be a reason that a hate-filled crazy person picked today.  Then, I remembered CRAZY.

Let me just tell you, the ranks of wheelchair marathoners will be huge next year and I will be cheering them on from the sidelines.

The New Job

Technically, it's not a new job anymore since I have been on the job for over two months and I'm not the newest hire anymore!

Overall, everything is going well.  I am still on the learning curve and my boss has been very supportive about my learning needs.  I work in a large department with sub-groups.  In my sub-group. there are two other guys who are co-workers, our boss, and another girl who started a couple weeks ago. One of the guys is a horrible trainer, the other is really good.  The bad one stands behind you and says, "Nope!" every time you do anything wrong.  Not exactly conducive to learning, no?  He is more task orientated and doesn't care why or how certain jobs fit into the big picture.  The good trainer gives you background on what you're doing and why you need to do it.  And he answers questions clearly.

I have to say that full-time work has so changed since 2007 (my last real job)!  First off, the hours are absolutely insane and the expectations of output for the workload is staggering.  40 hour work week is a complete myth/joke of the past.  Yet companies pay that level of salary, if not less.  But on the up side, I have a nice block of vacation/sick time.  But time off leaves so much work, it's almost not worth taking vacation time.  Oh yeah, I don't have the July Fourth holiday.

The commute has gotten a lot better now that 93N has opened the fourth lane between the route 24 split and 95.  93 to 95 is so much better than 24 to 495.  24 seems to be a highway driven by mental patients.    What completely turned me off of 24 is the snow storm a couple weeks ago.  No plowing had been done and an entire lane dropped off around Bridgewater so I had a nice little spin-out.  Sayonara 24!

The people I work with are really nice, supportive, and easy to talk to.  My second week I went to the belated holiday party so I got to know a ton of people and have fun!