Friday, November 25, 2016

Happy Holidays

Things are a bit more bearable now.  Oh yeah, I am 40!  I had an awesome birthday dinner at Lala Rokh with a bunch of family and friends.  I ate brains for the first time.  It doesn't taste like anything but the texture can be gross if you think about what you're eating.  Afterwards, a smaller group of us went to Escape the Room Boston. The night was non-stop fun and was a perfect way to celebrate. Super Boss and Super Wife were there. Super Wife was drinking water while all of us ordered drink after drink. So, me being me, I asked and yes they are trying for a baby!  Yay!! 

There are two new analysts on the team - a male and a female. I'll call the male Eager Beaver Analyst because he tries SO MUCH and wants to learn, learn, learn. Which is a good thing but a very odd energy after the years of bitterness and exhaustion. The female is very smart, funny, quiet, and focused. I get the vibe that she wants everything she does to be perfect so she doesn't wade in on the work unless she's sure. Cautious Analyst?  I'll come up with something better later.  Both have a very diverse background in HR so it's great to train them because they pick things up quick.

I also got a new boss Monday- Super Boss' position's replacement.  He's nice and has a lot of experience we're going to need.  I creeped on his new hire paperwork so I confirmed that he is gay. His nickname shall be Nu Boss. We had a quick meeting in his office Wednesday where he wanted to figure out how to assign the group to tackle report requests. He turned to me and asked how was it done before.  I looked around the packed office and made a wry face asking Baby Analyst, "Do you want to say it? Or me?" She said, "We have never had this many analysts."  Ha!

Joe Biden memes and this helps with the election fall out:
My roommate has been away the past week visiting family.  Last weekend I was rear-ended in West Roxbury when I was at a stoplight. My car seems fine but my neck and back aren't doing so well. I was a pissy bitch to the woman who hit me telling her that I wasn't okay and that she needs to pay attention when she's driving.  A doctor has put me on muscle relaxants.  If the nerve problems and pain don't get better, I'll need an MRI.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

President Trump

I have been crying since Tuesday night. At home. In the car. On the train. At work.

Sunday, October 30, 2016

Super Boss Was Walking Antibiotics

This week has been utter misery but at least there is slight improvement in my future. The last time I had a cold was January 2015. I've had a cough for three weeks and now I have bronchitis. My doctor gave me an inhaler, Zpack, and a cough suppressant. The coughing has also set off my costochondritis. So lying down hurts.  The only way I have been getting sleep is doped up on cough medicine. I took three days off from work to recover. I am feeling a lot better now.

Me being me, I felt guilty being home so I did a ton of stuff around the apartment which made me sicker but at least I swapped out my summer clothes, cleaned the kitchen, and got my SHRM studying done! Also a very negative news article was published about my workplace that was full of lies and insulted the professional integrity of Super Boss and the other managers who resigned. I was boiling mad and very sad.

I went back to work Friday and of course no one handled any of the work piling up on the analyst group while I was out.  Why?  Because I am the only one who know how to do anything now. So, that was completely overwhelming and infuriating. On top of that, I was on a conference call meeting where New Boss totally took over the discussion of my deliverable and very obviously had no idea what he was talking about but kept talking. I got so angry, I left the meeting.

There will be two new analysts starting next month and a new manager (Super Boss' old position). So, there is still a glimmer of hope for me.  I also asked for a raise.  I don't know if New Boss has mentioned it to the Chief yet. There is this voice inside me that keeps telling me "Maybe it will get better." and my mother has pointed out that I don't have a long fuse, that am doing as much as possible to change my current situation.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

My First Cold in 18 Months

Well, I am so stressed my body is feeling the impact. Not only am I hacking up a lung, my acid reflux is so bad, I have no enamel left on my teeth. That was a horrifying surprise from recent dentist visits! By the way, I found a really awesome dentist who gets me numb, is respectful, and answers my questions. I need fluoride treatments, most of my fillings replaced and possible crowns.

There have been a couple bright spots in my life recently. I had dinner with Super Boss a couple weeks ago. We went to J.M. Curley and had a yummy dinner. It was nice to see him happy and know that we have a lot to talk about beyond work. I tried not to but we did talk about work. Afterwards, he gave me a tour of the Downtown Crossing Roche Brothers because I've never been and he loves the place. We were also a little buzzed.

I have also been roped into a compensation study at work. That makes me happy because I get to use everything I am learning in SHRM certification classes. Plus, it is the 20% creativity sweet spot every analyst dreams of. So, work isn't completely awful. It's just exhausting and frustrating.

Job interview #2 was cancelled because they are hiring internally. I am still waiting to hear about #1.

Sunday, October 02, 2016

Waiting For Coming Together

Each morning going to work, I mentally compose my resignation letter. This job used to feel like coming home, I would smile most of the day, and arrive home feeling good. Now this job runs me ragged, asks me to compromise my ethics, and I come home miserable. Not only that I feel utterly alone and no one cares about the things I have been taught to care about. 

This week I decided to be a whistleblower rather than sitting through another week of co-workers grumbling about if X was discovered, we would be facing lawsuits. I analyzed the data to confirm that the situation was really that bad, researched compliance laws, emailed the company oversight department and the CHRO. When the lawsuits get handed out, at least I did my due diligence. The buck doesn't stop with our GM, CFO, or COO. It stops with me and my morals.

I cried every day this week. Worker Bee Analyst will be splitting his time between us and his new job. His new job starts October 10. So that isn't necessarily the end of the world. New Boss does not understand the daily work we do. He doesn't even use our HRIS system. I have no idea why we report to him other than the fact he's the only senior management that hasn't resigned. He's nice and easy to talk to but he can't help me with work questions.

Thursday was the nadir of this week. In the morning I had to meet with three departments to hammer out an implementation plan that needs to be done before Worker Bee moves on. New boss had no idea there needed to be an implementation plan so I was the one who had to run the meeting. It went well and was over quickly. I got back to my office, closed my door, and cried. I don't think I have been allowing myself to miss Super Boss because it would hurt too much and paralyze me. This week I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to hold back the missing. I am so tired being the expert in the room. I am depleted from answering nonstop questions. I am not a manager and have been making decisions way above my pay grade because I have no one to defer to. I miss Super Boss every day.

Thursday afternoon got a lot worse. I was offsite during my lunchtime and on my way back I grabbed  something to eat at my desk. When I got to my desk, there were two emails from New Boss asking for one of the Analyst team to come downstairs to a meeting. Baby and Worker Bee Analyst weren't around so I took a bite of my sandwich. New Boss shows up frazzled in the doorway. He couldn't find any of us (he knew about my meeting). He asked me to go to the meeting and chime in if needed.  I went downstairs and I WAS TOLD TO PRESENT! For a meeting not on my calendar with no preparation.

This is why I have decided that I need to leave. I deserve a job that supports me financially and professionally. I am tired of the tears, the dread, the outrage that quickly dissipates because it's the same old bullshit, different tune. I had an interview this past week that I think went well. I have another for a different job October 14.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Telling God My Plans

Worker Bee Analyst has accepted a position elsewhere in my company. I found this out Thursday.

This was a really difficult week. New Boss was on vacation and I had to deal with a ton of work/inquiries that are really management level stuff. I spent most of Tuesday morning crying in my office being overwhelmed and missing Super Boss. He would not have magically fixed everything but he was my sounding board/reality check. I don't have that anymore.

Worker Bee Analyst won't be leaving in two weeks. He will be splitting his time between his new role and old analyst job. So that softens the blow. The new chief and deputy director said very nice things as I was reeling from the news. They said that I won't be stranded/unsupported and they will make recruiting backfill a priority. They said this, let's see if they are full of bullshit.

This week I also applied to a bunch of jobs. A girl does need an exit strategy. My ego is smoothing over the utter misery because I do love being considered an expert, being in the loop and my opinion being respected. But when I feel my ego getting too puffy, I remind myself that everyone is desperate and I'm the only game in town.

To recap, in the past month 3 managers resigned, a deputy director retired, and Worker Bee Analyst got a new job. I got a new boss. Baby Analyst and I are the only ones left. The only remaining manager is retiring in January.

Friday, September 09, 2016

Moving On

This past week was fine. Yes, I got stressed out and made mistakes at work but life moves on.  In a weird way, I felt a lot happier! Then I felt guilty feeling happy. One of my co-workers summed up what was going on perfectly.  She told me, "You know you are very hard on yourself and you were very concerned about not disappointing Super Boss."

Not having that worry in my daily work, not second guessing every decision I make without Super Boss' blessing, and no cloud of gloom and stress emanating from Super Boss, lifted some kind of burden from me. This week also was really good because I have become a kind of expert in my department so the new chief and director have been turning to me for help and answers.  My ego loves being a know-it-all.  Also, the new chief is kinda awesome!  I am really not good with tact or playing politics so she came to me, mentioned a name, and my eyes widened, and I groaned shaking my head "Ohhh, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen..." She laughed heartily while declaring, "I'm going to like you!"

My new boss is pretty good too. I won't have the same closeness as Super Boss (or as my mom calls it - dysfunctional co-dependence) but we get along really well. He's a nerd so I appreciate his Star Trek allusions. He's a Jehovah's Witness and we had a really weird discussion this week where he declared how "we" have a lot in common. Jews and Jehovah's Witnesses. Yup. And it ain't that the religions begin with J. He wasn't trying to convert me or anything but it felt awkward talking like we are in this super special club knowing the true nature of God.

This morning I got a phone call from Super Boss - who wanted to wish me happy anniversary.  It's my two year work anniversary.  Aw!  I called him a big nerd for remembering and we had a nice chat.  He's doing well and could hear about a new job next week.  Good for him!