Friday, July 10, 2015

Go Big or Go Home

This week I discovered what I had suspected but ignored for years - my psychiatrist is a horrible quack. I came to this conclusion not just because I was prescribed Lamotrigine that has had side effects that mimic PCOS, hypothyroidism, or a pituitary tumor. The discovery occurred after I left a message detailing these problems, Dr. Quackowitz told me to completely stop taking the medication. If I was a naive medication newbie, I would have followed her directions and have been hospitalized. Since, I knew her directions were absolute insanity, I am titrating off on my own. Day 4 was tough because I stupidly reduced too fast. The idea that Lamotrigine is poison to my body makes me want to get off as soon as possible but I need to make sure I am not sobbing all day, in pain, while I murder people.

Tuesday, Super Boss and I had organized a group to do Pub trivia at the Elephant and Castle. I had never done pub trivia or been to Elephant and Castle. The group consisted of my brother, Super Boss' wife aka Super Wife, Fuck Up Analyst, and the most recent departed analyst. Something I was not told when I made reservations is that groups greater than 4 cannot be seated together. So, we got two tables near each other. My table was the pub trivia team - Super Boss and Wife, me and my brother. I also had Poutine for the first time with Sam Adams Red Brick Road. Everything was so good! The trivia was really good and just hard enough. Super Wife is freaking hilarious and smart as a whip. The first question we got right, she hopped up and walked towards the trivia DJ expecting some kind of prize - ha! It was tough to chat since the music was loud but I got to exchange some pleasantries with Fuck Up Analyst. It turns out she doesn't like her new job. She didn't ask a single thing about me. At one point in the evening Super Boss and I turned to each other and realized how hard it is to talk to the ex-analysts without mentioning work. Super Wife also did some recon at the other table which she reported back at the end of the night. She is well aware of all the work her husband and I have had to do and who is responsible for it. The ex analysts don't give the work any thought but miss the people. Our team came in second and got a $25 gift card which we used that night. As Super Wife said, "We came in with nothing and leave with nothing." The walk back to South Station took us under the floating net art which is so much prettier at night!

Thursday, since the week had been going so well with going down to 7/8 dose, I decided to go to half. Hello vertigo, fuzzy thinking, speech problems, and weird shooting nerve pain. Plus, me freaking the fuck out on Super Boss, snapping at him, shutting down any attempts at teaching, making him leave my office so I can cry - which scared Baby Analyst. After I calmed down and had some alone time, Super Boss and I talked. What I perceived as a judgmental comment was just him trying to jog my memory. He pointed out that the only person judging anyone in my office was me. Which was valid. I said that sometimes I feel like I am completely useless and know nothing. But the cool thing is after our talk, we reviewed a bunch of billing processes since I had caught a couple problems. In this review, I had not made a single mistake! That helped with my mood for the rest of the workday but I did cry all the way home on the train. After a call with my unpaid therapist, my mom, I upped my dosage to 6/8.

Today was very awesome. The monthly bills were calculated and mailed with only a couple of errors. I have the whole process down to a science. When Super Boss got into the office, I was smiling ear to ear with pride. I took a completely broken process left by Fuck Up Analyst and made it work! Later in the morning, I made sure to tell Super Boss that he did absolutely nothing wrong Thursday and it was just me and my stupid hang ups. This is how stupid I am. Dept supervisor encourages me to apply for Super Boss' old job and when Super Boss trains me, he says, "You need to know this when I'm not here anymore." Rather than appreciate having so much professional support, I went into I Need to be Super Boss NOW mode. Super Boss shook his head hearing this and said, "I just want you to be happy working here." Aw! In the afternoon, I got the vibe that Super Boss was fuming after finding out he needed to create a table load that was not our responsibility by end of day. I took care of a bunch of reporting requests sent to us and volunteered to help with the table load. It seemed really daunting at first glance and Super Boss admitted that he had been supremely pissed but luckily our deadline wasn't so tight. At 5:30 tonight I had cracked how to create the table in an amazingly easy way. Super Boss was impressed. He also made sure that what I did for billing deserved a stone in our accomplishment jar. 

P.S. I saw Leslie Jones and Kristen Wiig in Ghostbusters jumpsuits in Chinatown this week!

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