Cocoon of Love

Here is my grandmother's obituary. This past week has been full of ups and downs. Tuesday and Friday were major weeping days for me. Wednesday and Thursday were okay because I was able to help the family by organizing and volunteering for some funeral tasks. Since I had never been to a wake, my mother prepared me for a somber and emotional evening. But what actually happened was basically a party for Grandma. One of my friends was amazed when she walked into the funeral home. It was very difficult seeing Grandma in the coffin. A couple cousins were very upset about how she didn't look like herself. I was upset initially but realized that it wasn't her. The grandma I remember isn't the body, it was the spirit and personality. In fact, I wonder if it's cathartic to have a plastic looking person in the coffin? So many people came to the wake, it was amazing. I got to meet a bunch of my mom's cousins. I have 22 cousins and my mom has around 10. Some of her cousins had babysat her so it was nice seeing that connection and support for my mom.

I think because the wake was so upbeat, it delayed a lot of feelings of loss so the funeral was very emotional. We had a bagpipe player pipe for her. Hearing that music, and seeing all 8 of her grandsons carrying her coffin completely broke me down. The church service was very nice and inclusive. I was dreading communion because at most masses I have attended, the priest doesn't even acknowledge that there are non-Catholics in existence. This priest acknowledged and offered to bless non-Catholics! So amazing and cathartic for the family. The motorcade to the graveyard was huge. You do the math, 22 grandchildren, 9 children plus assorted friends and relatives. It was impressive looking at the line of cars stopping traffic through Braintree. The burial was awful. Afterwards, we had a reception at my aunt and uncles' place. Lots of booze and yummy food. I got to catch up with cousins who I haven't seen that much, hug family and really speak from the heart.

This is why my family is so amazing. We're resilient and strong. Even if all of us feel like we're imploding from sorrow, we have at least 31 other people to lean on. Thankfully, our moods don't completely sync. If someone is feeling crumpled and weak one day, there is always someone else who has found some peace and strength to share. Friday night, my brother, his girlfriend and I stood for Grandma at Shabbat service. It helped me a lot and gave me a bit of peace and strength.

Now, when I go to sleep I feel my head in my grandmother's lap. She is humming and stroking my hair. That is the part of her that I keep with me. My second mommy who comforted me when I lost my first tooth and who told me it was wonderful that I am becoming a Jew.