Friday, September 21, 2007

Bad into Good

Yesterday was pretty sucky with a bad Tae Kwon Do class and getting the job rejection.

The bad class started out good. I was doing really well with my kicks. I have chambering and hip movements down. I wasn't corrected once by the instructor. The second half of class was when the suck started. With a new instructor (who didn't know my name), we ran through an old form (Il Jan) which I had down until the last two moves. So the group had to keep going until I got it right. Just two more times. The new testing form, Eee Jan, I did well overall. Repeating that 3 more times helped too. Since we had 10 more minutes, all the orange belts had to do jumping jacks on the side of the room while the white belts practiced. No count, don't end until the instructor says so. I didn't realize that I was standing on the part of the floor with a slight incline so I painfully rolled my ankle and just jumped through the pain until I rolled the other ankle even worse. By this time, I was pissed so when the instructor asked me if I was all right, I gritted my teeth and said I was fine. Since I was in pain and feeling humiliated, the lovely litany of self doubt started up. "Why am I doing Tae Kwon Do? I'm the charity fat ass case. I'm a complete uncoordinated fuck up." Afterwards, I spent some time crying in my car. Then, I got home to read my job rejection. Rasputin is so cute when he sees me crying. I swear he looks concerned and a bit scared. Having him around helped a lot to get out of the depth of despair (as Anne Shirley would say).

Today has been good because it's Friday. I have renewed drive for finding a job and there's a lot out there! Plus Comics Come Home tickets went on sale today. Going to that show has been a yearly tradition for me and this year it means so much more since I lost my grandmother to cancer. This is year 8 for me. Yom Kippur starts at sunset so I have the fasting to look forward to. It's bizarre but I do look forward to it! It definitely makes tomorrow's service more meaningful and powerful. My ankle is feeling much better - just a bit tender. Alleve and rest helped. I had a really encouraging talk about Tae Kwon Do this morning with a classmate so I feel better on that front.

No comments: