Things I Learned at Umass Amherst::

* Liquor before beer, all clear
* Schedule all your classes between Tuesday and Thursday
* If the class has over 50 people, you only need to attend it a couple times per semester.
* First snowfall = riot
* Classes are never cancelled due to weather
* Try to ace at least one class per semester so your social calendar can be full and uninterrupted.
* That amassing $500-worth of parking tickets could endanger your graduation
* Pufton Village is within stumble distance of campus.
* Orchard Hill, naked, mud bowl
* Rudy was never shown on the college movie channel due to an epic tower war.
* If you live in a tower, you'll get at least 1 fire alarm at 3AM per semester.
* If Umass makes it to the final game for any sport, there will be riots win or lose (watch out for airborne lounge furniture).
* Try to enroll in classes that do not have final exams - hello going home early.
* Southwest lawn in Sept/May lots of eye candy tanning.
* Seven-O's makes a strong drink
* Thank God for the PVTA
* If you are a Liberal Arts major, you will be assigned Machiavelli's The Prince at least 3 times.
* There is a underground tunnel between Herter and Hicks
* Building names make good puns. Whitmore = Whitless. Herter, I barely knew her!
* The best dining commons is Franklin
* Dubois Library has a fence around it because engineers didn't take into account the weight of books so bricks fall off the building.
* There will always be construction on campus.