Thursday, September 23, 2010

Shitty Week

I am lucky that I am a high functioning depressive.

This round of unemployment has been extra hard because I thought I was so close to getting a job. I had nothing but great feedback, I liked my job, and the people I worked with then... nothing. I also was sooo close in moving forward with my baby plans. Now, that has hit a dead end as well. Basically, I have learned that when a staffing firm rep utters "Could go perm." it is utter stinking bullshit.

The death of Mr. Parks has been an awful blow and I go for days feeling okay or I break down sobbing at dumb things. I also have a litany of things going through my mind about all the "should haves" or "could haves" I have wracked up. Here's a little secret - when you are on a hospital gurney wracked with pain thinking you are dying, you make a lot of promises to yourself. If you survive, you spend a lot of the initial years accomplishing those goals but eventually you end up an unmotivated schmo like everyone else.

I am also not sleeping and leaving my apartment much since I am broke - until my unemployment claim reopens. When I am up at night, I apply to jobs like crazy and crunch my budget numbers over and over. Have I mentioned one of my credit cards jacked up the APR with no warning to 23.99%? So much for that new credit card legislation...

When the hermit depressed pajama-wearing side of me takes a break, I have been looking into taking courses to become a CPA and am planning on playing in the alumni band at Homecoming. 11 years since I touched a Euphonium and 14 since I marched.

Life just sucks lately

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