Thursday, March 15, 2012

Manservant Toby

As a single gal who lives alone, life or medical situations sometimes get in the way of getting shit done. I haven't bought kitty litter for weeks because lifting the bag up to my apartment will wreck my neck. The last time I got kitty litter, I was out of work for a day laid up on muscle relaxants and Vicodin. Luckily, my cats have been holding out fine. I didn't mail in bill payments on time because I had no stamps and no time to pick up some booklets. Who picks me up and drops me off when I get my eyes dilated at optometrist appointments? My parents.

This is why I need a manservant. I picked Toby as a pleasant sounding name. He'd help me get shit done and keep me organized. Car needing work? He'd drop me off at work and then drive it over to the shop. Injured spine? He'd do the heavy lifting and reaching . He would also take the cats to their appointments. Also, he would have some magical ability to eliminate tufts of cat fur collecting everywhere in my apartment. Mail would be opened and organized rather than thrown in a teetering pile on my coffee table. He would pick up prescriptions when I'm sick or injured.

It will be like having a husband without the marriage, love and sex. A cut and dry business arrangement.

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