Oh, don't worry, I've done therapy. I'm gone through the grieving, blame, and anger. But this holiday picks at my emotional scabs. Every Father's Day card is like a needle in my heart. "Thank you for protecting me" - nope. "For the best Father who made me feel loved and special" - negatory. I tried the whole no one has a happy family route for a couple years to cope. But there are happy families out there. Mine wasn't one. In my extended family there are a bunch of great dads so I kinda derive some comfort from that. I lost my Grandpa in March. He was my alternate dad so I'm really missing him.
After my stroke, I had a lot of problems talking. I couldn't coordinate my tongue and mouth, my voice sounded flat, and there was a delay between what I thought and said. One summer afternoon, my grandfather saw that I was crying at a family party. He stopped me and told me, "Anna, you speak fine." He just knew.
After my stroke, my father told me that he hoped that I would never recover. Yeah not celebrating that asshole.
So, if today is not a holiday for you, or you find the need for a vat of wine, I wanted to let you know that you're not alone. It sucks but survivable. I hope this can give you a chuckle.