Friday, December 11, 2015

Tough At First But Eventually Better

This week started fairly well but Thursday and Friday had hiccups.  Thursday, I found out the IT director has drastically reduced testing time for the new billing process and I have one week to complete until the deadline to go live.  The meeting where we found this out, I alternated between hearing screaming in my head, laughing hysterically or getting snippy with the programmers.  The good thing is most programmers are on the spectrum so they didn't pick up on my tone.  Super Boss tried to help me after the meeting to scope out the steps and order.  Making lists made me a bit saner.

We had a new analyst start Monday.  He is Awesome Worker Bee.  From day one, he has been looking for anything he can help with. He is incredibly enthusiastic and nice.  Meanwhile Prince Analyst is outright lying to Super Boss about the "work" he is doing and he was out for two and a half days this week. He was sick to be fair but we really needed his theoretical help!

Today, I worked a half day. In the afternoon, I had a neuropsychological assessment.  I requested it since it had been over ten years from my last assessment and I would like to know how I'm doing.  It could help me with strategies for work and life.  The test took two and a half hours.  Parts went really well and other parts I burst into tears because my brain just could not pull up what I needed.  Since the test is extended highly complex thinking under pressure and observation. I knew that I would be a complete vegetable after the testing so I went home to crash. I crashed and also could not stop crying because being reminded of being different or less than plus the performance anxiety stirred everything up. I know I have vastly improved and kicked ass on a bunch of stuff but my emotions didn't know.  I was home, in a safe space, so I let myself feel sad.

I texted Super Boss thanking him for his help this week as a kinda I survived and adios for the weekend. This kicked off 8 texts messages and a phone call about an emergency upload where I had to try to remember a password.  That went incredibly well with my recovering brain and memory. I got really upset and angry. I asked for one goddamn afternoon off and I can't get that. Super Boss and I are going to have a chat Monday.

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