Wednesday, January 09, 2008

The Job

I am going on my first business trip next week - which is exciting and a bit terrifying. I have been a temporary employee for 2 months so far. Since this position is supposed to be temp to perm, I am getting antsy for the perm. A couple weeks ago, I got up the courage to ask one of my managers for a perm timeline. I mentioned that since I came down with pneumonia and am a temp employee, I had to decide between getting better and making rent so I'd like to know the permanent hiring timeline. I was informed that discussion/ decision will be made next week during my business trip. No pressure!

The stress feels like it's killing me. I'm exhausted all the time, forget/ lose things left and right. It's like a 2 month wooing process where I have to be the smartest, most efficient team player in the world and I would like a rest. Next week is going to be the wooing process times ten. Additionally, I'm taking my first long flight in six years to attend this business meeting. So not only am I stressing about going perm, I'm stressing about overcoming my fear of long flights. Logic doesn't help me. It doesn't matter that I have a heart implant so I can never have a stroke again yet I could get a pulmonary embolism. It doesn't matter that I take 325mg of aspirin daily and weigh less than I did when I had my stroke. It doesn't matter that I'll be wearing compression socks. I better get permanently hired if I have to go through so much mental anguish!

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