I thought this week would go really well at work. I was using all my new techniques to pay attention to details. I wore a white shirt yesterday and didn't get a single stain. Everything seemed to be going well. That is until around noon today.
My off-site boss wanted to talk to me about a report I sent him. This is the boss who yells, interrupts me, and is overall not so fun to interact with. So, I always call him with a pit of dread in my stomach. He asked me to explain, "This mess... I don't know where to begin..." So, that started everything out swimmingly. He started listing a litany of things that he found wrong with the report. I tried to explain to him how I had arrived at my calculations but he kept interrupting me. Basically, I wound up silently weeping on the phone as he didn't listen to me and kept saying, "Why didn't you do X. This is what you're supposed to do." Once I was able to get off the phone, I had a good bathroom cry - even though it was pointless because everyone had seen me crying.
I wasn't crying over criticism. I can handle getting criticized if I mess something up. I was crying because I am so frustrated with this assignment. My on-site boss is never around. I have no resources to ask questions or learn anything. I am given projects with no background and no opportunity to ask for guidance. My off-site boss prefers yelling, scolding, and interrupting as his method of communication. All the tricks I have in my hat to learn, manage,and work have been used up and I'm at my wits end.
Co-workers are so specialized, it's hard to ask them questions without wasting my time and theirs. Keeping multiple lists and managing emails still doesn't help me understand a method/reporting structure completely new to me. I thought my work had been getting better with all the effort and attention I've been focusing on it lately. But nope! I still suck.