Sunday, April 19, 2009
Therapy, Here I Come!
I hate not being in control of my life and when life takes control away from me, I try to find little things that I could still have power over. In my universe, money = control. Unfortunately, since I have no job, I've been having to borrow money from my father. Now, I can see this was a disaster waiting to happen. Why oh why did I not see it before? Since I hate owing money, I make a point to pay back any loans within weeks.
But if I give my father a little rope, he knows how to make a noose for me. I owe my father over $400 and I have two COBRA payments coming up back to back so that's more loans on the horizon. Tonight, he ambushed me with a list of all the money he has lent me, what I have paid back, and what I owe. I wasn't a happy camper and when I told him that I felt ambushed he told me that I was being "dramatic".
Oh my, how rough this rope around my neck is! And oddly familiar... To give you a little back story, "dramatic" was the label I was saddled with as I suffered decades of abuse at the hands of my father. If acted out, I was being "dramatic", not trying to get some adult to notice or care enough to help me get out of living hell. So, you do not call me dramatic if you want a calm discussion. The beast was awoken.
So, tonight I had a huge all out screaming fight with my father the likes that hasn't occurred in 8 years. Plus, I am paying for all my healthcare coverage from now on - by choice. As I dangle from the rope, my neck will break from a bit less weight at least!