When I got ready to take a shower the evening of January 25th, one look at my body, I started sobbing and then I called my mom. I had a bruise on my upper chest that was so dark and massive, it looked like I had a hole in my body. That was the impact injury from my seat belt. Sadly, I have small boobs so the chest strap slips higher. I had a bruise on my left knee where it hit the steering column. I also had bruises from fingers probably from strapping me down on the backboard. I had never seen my body so marked by injuries in my entire life. Those bruises aren't gone yet but they have definitely faded. My upper chest is still very tender/sore.
The physical injuries are a lot easier to recover from than the psychological impact. Most of the accident has become hazy but the moment of impact is slo-mo crystal clear. I can call it up whenever I want to. It's like all my heightened emotions and the physical pain has preserved the moment in crystal for me. I remember my thoughts going from "oh shit," to "well, I guess that grocery trip is nixed" to "did I seriously see the car that hit me careen into a parked car?" and finally, "Ow, ow, ow, OW!" I couldn't breathe between the pain in my chest and horrible exploded airbag mist, the fear, and pain were overwhelming. Since I need to function like a normal adult, I went back to therapy. Now, I can drive without turning into a crying shaking mess. I still say out loud whenever I drive through an intersection, "No one will kill me, right?" On the up side, I kicked serious ass at work - thank goodness for the contract job! Something to focus all my attention and energy upon rather than wallowing. I must admit, I am dreading when this contract gig ends.
Slowly but surely, I'll slap myself back together and be me again.
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