Saturday, October 31, 2015


Life has been really good with my new place, roommate, and work. 

We have made job offers to two new analysts. One is starting this Monday, I have no idea when the other is starting. Both these analysts were offered higher compensation than I am currently making, $8K more. So I thought when they come aboard I will be getting a salary adjustment. Super Boss told me this week he wants me to be the highest paid analyst - getting over $10K bump! I had two really bad days this week. Tuesday I had to tackle a report that I thought I understood but when I had trouble and Super Boss tried to help with explanations, it just sounded like Jibberish to me. I couldn't connect the codes we use and interpreting the report request, my brain just got hung up so, as I always do when I'm overwhelmed, I cried. At work. In front of Super Boss. Again. Kinda sick of this y'all. I got home and had a good cry with my roommate who helped a ton. I figured out what upset me and attacked the next day with a plan and an apology to Super Boss. Thursday morning, I came in to four emails from Super Boss at 9:30pm Wednesday about four separate mistakes I made. I looked at what I did and could not figure out what I had been thinking. So guess what I did? I cried in my office. Luckily, it was early enough no one was really around except one warm, kind co-worker who gave me a big hug and encouragement. When Super Boss got in, I was done with crying so I asked him about correcting my mistakes. Since I am a champion poker player, he totally knew I had been upset and asked how he could help. I told him that when I make mistakes, I feel like a worthless piece of shit. Super Boss told me that I really need to not think that or even say that aloud because that hurts him. Aw!! I am usually better bouncing back from mistakes but this week was a struggle.

So my roommate is fucking fantastic. She is a great cook, gets along with my family, and we basically enjoy the same books, films, and tv shows. Also she is emotionally intelligent with a warm, open manner. It's so nice to come home from a tough day and have someone who is encouraging, and who cries with me. I had one request for our morning routine and she changed with no complaint! 

Living where I am in JP means I am a 5 minutes away from two orange line stops. I can also walk to two friends' places in under 10 minutes! And there is a grocery store here that delivers booze and toilet paper! People are really nice and the orange line hasn't been too much of an asshole - yet. The only thing I need to adjust to is street cleaning. I got towed the first week because I didn't read the street sign correctly but the second week was a breeze.

So stuff is going really well and the list of things I need to stress out about has been shortened. I just need to learn to relax and appreciate it. With work, I have a mix of people who are telling me to stop caring so much, a boss who gets upset when I'm upset, and a possibility of making the most money I've ever made. Maybe that is what's freaking me out? I am an expert in the midst of chaos in emergency mode but when that lets up, where's the next crisis to overcome? 

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