Goodbye Thirty Eight

My birthday was last Sunday and holy smokes I have gotten so many gifts this year, I am completely spoiled! I have the gift of:

- a great job

- a great boss

- a great apartment

- great family and friends

- a great new bigger paycheck

Prince Analyst has gotten a bit less complainy and presumptuous. But I did get the chance to say after one of his impassioned "Why don't we try..." speeches, "Gee, I have no idea why no one has ever thought of that." I also got be the boss of him last Thursday because Super Boss was in training half the day. My ego enjoys being the expert and guiding people. 

This week I discovered that Super Boss is a fellow member of the broken toys club. The dept went out to lunch to celebrate my birthday and we were sharing stories about our childhood. If you've had a childhood with violence or neglect, these kind of situations kick up some anxiety. As I scoured my memories for something that sounded normal, Super Boss shared something in an incredulous joking manner about his childhood that rang the "Wow, that's fucked up" alarm in my head. And then it all clicked. Now it makes sense how he can help me in exactly the right way when I'm riddled with anxiety and why I get huge barking laughs from him from my darker jokes. The story I shared at lunch was about my cousins - no need to lie - the constant bright spot from my childhood. I also got a card from my dept and a co-worker got me Adele's new album.

One thing that marred my birthday and annually ruins the holidays, was my father. He hasn't spoken to me for two months. He isn't angry with me, he just makes no effort with anyone in his life. My mom wanted to take me out for a family lunch on my birthday. I agreed to let her pretend and have that. My father ignored everything said around him and asked me two questions. That was his birthday gift to me - acknowledging that I exist. My brother helped me to have a fun birthday celebration and a ton of laughter. I don't know how abuse survivors who are only children make it. My brother and I just let each other feel without labeling or blame while acknowledging the horror and that we aren't crazy.

I have the next four days off from work. Friday night is my 20th high school reunion. I can't believe it has been that long! I really hope some drama/chorus nerds show up and it's not all jocks. It will be so nice going to a reunion with a great job and home to talk about.