Knowing It's Real Means You Gotta Make A Decision

Big surprise, I'm a fan of the Jessica Jones Netflix series. I'm on my 3rd rewatch. This has been a tough week because:

- I had to terminate health benefits for a number of people for the first time

- I didn't get much sleep

- I wound up working a lot of hours

- Prince Analyst is an entitled unreliable asshole

- Everything that could go wrong Friday went wrong

I felt a huge amount of guilt and anxiety terminating people's benefits plus I worried that someone unhinged would shoot me. Security in our building is a joke. Random people wander our department halls. Super Boss also fed my anxiety by casually chatting about active shooter contingencies and instructing me to hide my scissors and letter opener. He also had a shit week working past midnight Thursday morning and popping into my office several times Friday leading with, "More bad news..." I gave him a huge lecture about his long work hours Thursday. He had to take an Uber home Thursday morning then I saw him come in at 8:30 so I called him demanding, "What are you doing here so early?" Then he asked why I was in so early. Check and mate sir.

I had a couple crying jags in my office this week. Unfortunately, Friday's waterworks started in front of Prince Analyst. I hate crying in front of untrustworthy people. He is on my shit list now because he said he did something then it took me and Super Boss an hour and a half plus a conference call with IT to figure out His Highness didn't do jack. Super Boss was LIVID, punched the air declaring "I hate liars!" I had never seen him so angry but, me being dumb super positive me, I tried to talk him down by suggesting Prince didn't understand the task. Cut to hours later when Princey was helping me with an assignment. I was showing him what to do and his response was, "So, this is something we could have an intern do." Pissed, I pointed out A we don't have an intern and B this is what I do daily. At the end of the day, Super Boss mentioned how he never did a task Super Boss asked him to do (I know why Prince didn't do anything but why share and make Super Boss go ballistic?) I did let Super Boss know His Majesty's complaints about the work I needed help with. Prince left work at 4 Friday. I left at 6. Super Boss left at 8. I need to work Sunday because of workload and deadlines. His Royal Assiness will mosey into the office at 9 Monday claim he is so new, he doesn't have anything to do while complaining about the job, have a lunch hour, and leave at 4:30. Oh yeah, he's taking next Friday off from work because "work" life balance. 

The sleeping problem is probably tied to my emotions and anxiety over the benefit terminations. I was lucky to eek out 4 hours a night and caffeine just kept me afloat. In reality, I have just had to deal with a couple upsetting notes in the mail and a couple screaming phone calls. Those were reaction to asking for payments so what's the escalation for telling people they're done? San Bernardino definitely didn't help my mental state. I have a just in case I'm murdered letter saved on work's computer. Super Boss has told me about a time several years ago when an employee threatened to shoot everyone in the office. I have a bunch of furniture that I can use to barricade myself into my office plus a metal desk. We are on the fourth floor with windows that can't open.

On the up side, I am so happy to have my roommate back from her holiday trip. It was very lonely without her. She also raved about me to her family. I have a lot more experience with being responsible for a household so I do stuff rather than wait to be asked to do it. Roommate told me about a former cohabitant who never took out the trash or did the dishes when Roomie was away for the holidays. In the midst of the long crazy week, Roomie made dinner for us so I had a hot meal when I rolled home at  8. She also listened to me cry and talk through my anxieties about work Friday night. 

I really hope working Sunday will give me some breathing room next week. The second new analyst is starting Monday. I hope he will eventually do work rather than create more work. This entry title is from Jessica Jones and the complete quote is "Knowing it's real means you gotta make a decision. One, keep denying it or two do something about it." I'm choosing option two.