Sunday, October 02, 2016

Waiting For Coming Together

Each morning going to work, I mentally compose my resignation letter. This job used to feel like coming home, I would smile most of the day, and arrive home feeling good. Now this job runs me ragged, asks me to compromise my ethics, and I come home miserable. Not only that I feel utterly alone and no one cares about the things I have been taught to care about. 

This week I decided to be a whistleblower rather than sitting through another week of co-workers grumbling about if X was discovered, we would be facing lawsuits. I analyzed the data to confirm that the situation was really that bad, researched compliance laws, emailed the company oversight department and the CHRO. When the lawsuits get handed out, at least I did my due diligence. The buck doesn't stop with our GM, CFO, or COO. It stops with me and my morals.

I cried every day this week. Worker Bee Analyst will be splitting his time between us and his new job. His new job starts October 10. So that isn't necessarily the end of the world. New Boss does not understand the daily work we do. He doesn't even use our HRIS system. I have no idea why we report to him other than the fact he's the only senior management that hasn't resigned. He's nice and easy to talk to but he can't help me with work questions.

Thursday was the nadir of this week. In the morning I had to meet with three departments to hammer out an implementation plan that needs to be done before Worker Bee moves on. New boss had no idea there needed to be an implementation plan so I was the one who had to run the meeting. It went well and was over quickly. I got back to my office, closed my door, and cried. I don't think I have been allowing myself to miss Super Boss because it would hurt too much and paralyze me. This week I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to hold back the missing. I am so tired being the expert in the room. I am depleted from answering nonstop questions. I am not a manager and have been making decisions way above my pay grade because I have no one to defer to. I miss Super Boss every day.

Thursday afternoon got a lot worse. I was offsite during my lunchtime and on my way back I grabbed  something to eat at my desk. When I got to my desk, there were two emails from New Boss asking for one of the Analyst team to come downstairs to a meeting. Baby and Worker Bee Analyst weren't around so I took a bite of my sandwich. New Boss shows up frazzled in the doorway. He couldn't find any of us (he knew about my meeting). He asked me to go to the meeting and chime in if needed.  I went downstairs and I WAS TOLD TO PRESENT! For a meeting not on my calendar with no preparation.

This is why I have decided that I need to leave. I deserve a job that supports me financially and professionally. I am tired of the tears, the dread, the outrage that quickly dissipates because it's the same old bullshit, different tune. I had an interview this past week that I think went well. I have another for a different job October 14.

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