Monday, January 16, 2017

Bipolar Week

My ear infection didn't improve after a week on Amoxicillin but it finally started draining and stopped hurting after I drank this tea:

One of my co-workers who has been suffering through a cold as well, gave me a couple packets.  I call this "Magic Ginger Tea". But practically, I believe that my eustachian tubes were inflamed/blocked and ginger is a natural ant-inflammatory.

I developed a rash at the end of my Amoxicillin dose so I asked my mother if she remembers me getting a rash as a kid. She told me that she thought I am allergic to penicillin. Firstly, complete news to me! Secondly, this is my mom to a T. Keeper of information but not actual caring/application. Fuck...

Eager Beaver Analyst is leaving. He was given an offer he could not refuse from his former employer to woo him back.  I was stunned and sad. Him and I have been working together a lot and I started thinking he could be with us for a long time. He also is really similar to Super Boss with his approach to problem solving and sense of humor.  Damn it, he worked his way into my trust circle and now buh bye... I had a lot of emotions that I handled in my office then I had a good talk with Nu Boss.  He definitely helped and we figured out ways he can provide ongoing help - like finally taking over manager tasks I have been doing for months.

So, I have been frank about my father's "parenting" and the years of therapy I have gone through to try to recover. I have worked through a bunch of stuff but his shitty parenting reared its ugly head this week.  It all started with an empty cardboard box. I thought it was a rule that to dispose of a box, you have to flatten it. I thought this because I was beaten and punished when I did not do that growing up.  Guess what?  The "rule" I believed for forty goddamn years isn't a rule. That shook me to my core because I had absorbed this crazy bullshit rule and rationalized my abuse so completely, I was unaware of it.  I have been able to learn to tell myself that I didn't deserve a lot. My room-mate was a champ listening to me cry and work through this. She also told me some stories from her friends who learned just as effed up lessons from their horrible parents.

I took the SHRM-CP exam the morning of Friday the 13th. I was incredibly nervous and did not feel prepared. I didn't feel like I committed enough effort to studying.  This is how I felt before I sat before the testing computer.  Once I started going through the questions, everything was so familiar and my nerves disappeared.  It took me about 2.5 hours but I PASSED!!! As part of my studying, I took the SHRM Learning System online practice tests over and over. That is the key to my success - having a familiarity with how testing would feel/look.  That comfort level helped me call up all the information I had absorbed.  I was so happy, relieved, and exhausted afterwards. And I had so many people to text!  That is a wonderful feeling - having great people in my corner.

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