WebMD Life

You know how Web MD inevitably tells you that you might have cancer? Well, the nice MGH doctor told me that. So, I am having a biopsy June 6 to rule out cancer. Her first theory is that my pain and the changes I’ve been noticing is pre pre menopause that tends to happen in the 40s. Second possibility is uterine cancer. I’m having a biopsy of my endometrium and Mirena being inserted because the progesterone can help my symptoms cancer or not. If it is cancer, I’ll need a hysterectomy.

So as the doctors explained this, a little voice in my head said, “Wow, you’re taking this well.” I did until I got home after work. The funny thing is I wasn’t upset about possible cancer as much as my mother, after hearing this news, decided to cancel our plans Mother’s Day. But I shouldn’t have been surprised. This is the same woman who complains that she thought she would be done mothering once we moved out and jokes about her sisters being too involved with their kids. So, I rallied other family members who can give me support. I’m lucky that my family is so big! My brother is going to take me home after my biopsy. My boss knows what’s going on and is cheering me on.

The big struggle is my brain chemistry but luckily I have a solid sense of humor and years of therapy. Because come on, I can’t survive a stroke and wind up with cancer! What am I? Job? Part of me kind of wants to have cancer so I can tell BIDMC, “See? You assholes missed this for a YEAR! Thanks for not listening.” On the up side, uterine cancer is totally survivable and after a hysterectomy, no more periods. Plugging my ears la la la-ing any menopause talk. Upside talk people!

I need to take a medicine that dilates my cervix the night before. I was told it would be a suppository. But when I picked it up, it was a pill with oral instructions. I had to call my doctor’s office. I was told the pill is inserted vaginally and I asked, “Should I do a handstand afterwards?”