Thursday, November 08, 2018

Fourteen Year Old Cat


A couple weeks ago, my roommate found bloodstains on the pillow Stella uses as a bed. I was a complete wreck inside. Outside, I was terse and cold; checking all the other places Stella sleeps. There weren't stains any other place. I pressed a paper towel on Stella's belly to see if anything was actively bleeding. No active bleeding. Then I googled and filled out a quality of life calculator. Cried and talked through options with my roomie. 

Back in 2013 Stella had breast cancer and a partial mastectomy. Now, she has three large bumps on her underside. She eats, drinks, and sleeps like normal. No odd behavior or anything. So, I have decided that I will only take her to the vet when her quality of life is obviously deteriorating. I won't put her through what I put Rasputin through. 

This possible catastrophe sent me to a sad dark place. I had trouble sleeping, I hovered over Stella diagnosing any tail twitch or extra second of dozing. I reached out in the middle of the night to pet crematoriums! I'm dragging myself back out to coping but wow I had no idea how little coping I have left. Unemployment is eating up almost the entire coping supply. There isn't a new supply at the bottom of wine bottle either. It has been a year since I lost Rasputin. I don’t know if I can lose another furbaby...


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