Employed Interlude

I lucked into a contract gig in Quincy this week. It's supposed to last about 3 weeks. The pay is miniscule (barely better than unemployment). The way I got this job is thanks to a job interview for another position in the company so when this project came up, they thought of me!

It is an Excel nerds dream job. I basically need to clean up a database that was screwed up by an outside company. It's tens of thousands of lines and I need to research addresses and coding. So, I am using filters and color coding a lot. I also have to pack visine and my iPod. The people I work with are really nice and my commute is under ten minutes so I am a pretty happy camper.

Titration Sucks Donkey Gonads

The past couple of days I have been out of commission. Why? Because I entered week 2 of taking Lamotrigine. Week 2 is when I had to double my dosage by taking two pills a day (50 mg). I tried one in the morning and one before bed. I felt really gross so I did one in the morning and one after dinner. Day 3 I stayed in bed wracked with nausea, crying jags, dizziness, and utter exhaustion. Hands down it was the worst side effects I've ever had on any medication. Basically, every warning in the pill pamphlet came true. I finally got up and nibbled on something at 7:00 PM. Thank goodness I have an appointment with my medication doc this week! 50 mg ain't my speed. Unfortunately, I don't think 25 mg is considered therapeutic so I'm worried if my meds will be changed. Thank goodness that I'm unemployed so these experiments in brain chemistry have minimal impact!

You Should Buy These ASAP!

Remember how I fell three times last winter and completely wrecked my knees winding up in PT for months? Since I had no plans on moving to Florida, I did some research on what gives the best traction in the winter. So I bought these babies back in August.

My goodness, YaxTrax are simple amazing! I used them all the time for my Stowe weekend. I walked up to a ski lodge on packed snow with just my sneakers and my Trax. I also walked to a bar over melting ice in dress shoes and my Trax. You can walk like a normal person without any shuffling or teetering. Also, what would you rather pack? Boots or YaxTrax that lie completely flat. Just stuff a plastic bag in your purse and whip them off once you get inside. Warning, walking on tile or marble does feel like skating.

Ringing in the Year

I know, I know it has been a month. So, apologies all around. It wasn't like I didn't have the time to blog, I didn't get around to it.

The Good

• The Medical Security Program is now covering 80% of my monthly premium. No more loans from my retired fixed income father - woohoo! Also, I had help figuring out the paperwork and submission process from my local career center. So I highly recommend sucking up pride and using them as a resource!
  
• My chorus concert went amazingly well. Standing ovations and an additional arts grant! My parents were blown away. They have schlepped to all my performances over the decades. This is the first one that had them gushing praise with awe in their eyes.
  
• My Xmas weekend was really nice. I got to see a bunch of family, had good laughs, and my mother and brother outdid themselves with our family holiday dinner. I also got great gifts!
  
• I had an amazing New Years weekend. I attended this event. Fell in love with Stowe, VT and met a bunch of great people. Otter Creek IPA is a stout that tastes like a lager. Also Switchback is a great non-hoppy brew. By the way, Vermont's unemployment rate is 5.3%...
• Two job possibilities in the fire.

The Middling

• Over the holidays, my brother introduced me to a video game called Skyrim. If you liked Game of Thrones, you'd like this. The graphics looks like those mini-movies in video games but now you can play in the movie! It's even fun watching someone else play. My brother's main avatar is a cat person. So on one fun booze fueled play demonstration, he went on a killing spree fus ro dahing everything. So we made up a song called "Murder Cat". Ugh, I am soo tempted to buy a PS3 but I am poor...
• I'm taking a new medication in addition to Citalopram. The goal is that this medication will dial down impulsivity and even me out. I'm not thrilled to add to my morning pills but so far Lamotrigine seems to have calmed me down by making me tired so it takes longer for me to make decisions. Buying mental time. But I really have to be careful drinking with this drug combo. I have no tolerance and hangovers are wicked.
  

The Bad

• I was sick for three weeks with a head cold that settled into my chest. I finally made a doctor's appointment and was put on a new (for me) anti-biotic, Doxycycline. I recovered in time for Xmas but it took a while to get rid of the wheezing and night sweats.
• I had a horrible job interview where I completely crashed and burned. It wasn't set up in the way I was told. It was two hours and group behavioral interviews. I was fine in the first group. I used solid examples and got to the point. But then I had to wait 45 minutes for the next group sitting in a lobby with the other potential candidates. And I stupidly decided to try to use new examples so I wouldn't be repeating myself. One lady in this group very obviously did not like me so I got rattled and wound up babbling a lot. Surprise, I didn't get the job.
• I broke my right kidney. Holiday excess put a huge strain on my kidney so this week I'm cutting sugar, upping water and cranberry juice. I thought I had just strained my back but after talking to my mom, she suggested it could be my kidney. Lo and behold a change in diet diminished my pain!
  

The Garden of the Mind's Eye

Wow, it has been a while! Now, it's December - which blows my mind. November was a complete desert job-wise. No interviews, phone calls, or any interest. Also, the job search group I joined turned out to be just two older guys on the verge of giving up on employment so that was a bust. But, oddly enough, the second it turned into December, I got an uptick on interviews and phone calls! I'm telling you, 2012 is going to be the year when things pick up (it's just a coincidence that it's an election year). I'm all liberal, feminist and Independent Woman but I had been toying with the idea of placing an ad for being a housewife as long as the guy likes cats and can enroll me in his health insurance. Yeah, transactional marriage didn't go the way of the dowry...

I'm back in therapy and it has been going pretty well. My goal going back was talking out ways to get myself out of a deep depression from unemployment. Of course, that was addressed and now there are a whole plethora of other issues to address - whee! Therapy ain't like food shopping unfortunately. I went in with a basket but now I need a cart. My medication is getting a bit adjusted. Celexa hasn't pooped out but just needs some kind of propping. Actually tinkering with brain meds while unemployed is kinda the best situation! God, I can't imagine navigating side effects while on a new job. Ha, twitching eyes, vomiting, or profuse sweating in the workplace might creep people out.




With this new focus on mental health, I went shopping at Michaels looking for a hobby or a nice soothing distraction. Lo and behold, I discovered the beads aisle and went to town! I made a simple strung necklace for Thanksgiving and got so many compliments, I started seriously thinking of learning more about jewelry making and setting up an Etsy shop. I'm starting slow, learning wiring techniques and building up my tool-set. I made earrings and a matching necklace for my mom which she loves (and she doesn't give empty praise so I know I'm onto something). The way I made her jewelry, I knew her birthstone is an Emerald and her mother was a sapphire. My mom misses Grandma every day so I thought about combining those color schemes to soothe and keep Grandma close. It worked!

The other activity that has been keeping me sane is singing with the Quincy Choral Society. It's a fun and diverse group of people and I absolutely love the music we're singing! My favorite is Rihards Dubra's "Cantata In Nativitate Domini". I had never heard of him before but his music is so tough and haunting - using almost Middle Eastern chords (and yet he's Latvian).

Fall 2011 TV Report Card

How I Met Your Mother - I've given up on this show. I'm getting too impatient to meet The Mother to be interested in the minutiae along the way. Also, Barney's schtick is getting old.

Terra Nova - the pilot looked really pretty. I also liked how they explained away the historical repercussions by having it be an alternate timeline. And yet, domestic strife and dumb whiny teenagers kinda sucked away my interest

2 Broke Girls - I really enjoy this show. I think it's a timing thing since I am a broke gal. Also, the show is revealing the money saving and coping skills us poor folk have figured out. I've heard some people complain about the raunchy humor but they're prudes. It isn't THAT bad.

Castle - Nathan Fillion gets hotter with age. I like all the characters on the show so I space out on the procedural parts therefore I don't care who's the murderer. I'm enjoying the will they or won't they between Castle and Beckett. If they get together, I'm worried the show will be ruined.

Ringer - I'm an old school Buffy fan so I had to check this out. The pilot hooked me despite the hokey special effects. But watching episodes started feeling like homework to free up space on my DVR. Also, wearing a white couture outfit to dispose of a dead body - jigga what?? I'm all for trashy schlock but this is a chore.

New Girl - guess what? Zooey Deschanel plays the exact character in every role she has. So, I knew what to expect here. This is a pretty goofy, quirky show as long as Zooey's antics don't send you into a murderous rage. Because I watch this show, I was inspired to make my light bangs into full face framing fringe. Of course I botched it and my hair is much too wavy.

Raising Hope - I got into this show because season 1 is up on Netflix. It's cute, funny, and non-PC. Plus, Martha Plimpton rocks in everything she's in. I'm a sucker for large convoluted insta-families ever since "Eight is Enough".

Parenthood - see above about my love of large families. Mae Whitman who plays Amber is superb. Ironically, Lauren Graham, who plays her mother, is annoying as hell. I can't tell if it's the writing or the actress' tics/quirks.

Up All Night - I don't have a baby but enough of my friends and family do so I can appreciate the baby rearing humor. Also Will Arnett and Christina Applegate make an adorable couple with tons of chemistry. Maya Rudolph is good in small doses as an Oprah knock-off.

Modern Family - I love the Dunphies. Phil was my first love but Claire is getting better and better. I gotta say that Cameron and Mitchell are so passive aggressive and chemistry-free, I have no idea why they are together.

Criminal Minds - I am so happy that A.J. and Emily are back! Is it me or are the cases getting more gruesome? The mentally challenged murderer who attacked his niece was unbearable. Shallow aside, Hotch with a beard was incredibly HAWT without, he is way too gaunt.

Happy Endings - this is the best new ensemble comedy. Everyone has amazing timing and chemistry with each other. I had no idea how funny Eliza Cuthbert can be! Also, Damon Wayans son is in this and he kills every scene he's in. God, I can't pick a favorite actor/character - that's how good this show is.

The Big Bang Theory - upon a recommendation from a friend, I caught up on this show finally. I gotta say, it is really good if you are comfortable with your own nerd-dom. I find myself singing the Soft Kitty song at the oddest times. The addition of Amy and Bernadette have only improved the show because c'mon, Penny was the weakest character for so long.

Community - for some odd reason, this show doesn't do well in the ratings but it is hands down hilarious and packed with so many jokes it's on par with The Simpsons for rewatchability. Last season was a bit iffy on quality but this season has been solid. Episode 4, "Remedial Chaos Theory" should win some kind of comedy award. But the idiots in charge of NBC are yanking the show from their schedule for 2012. Hopefully, that doesn't mean cancellation! I'm willing to start a mailing campaign/boycott.

Parks & Recreation - I am so happy that I am Ron Swanson's type but sadly I am not named Tammy. April and Andy are my favorite clueless couple. Leslie and Ben are the best at destroying the U.N.

Grey’s Anatomy - I hate it when Derek is acting like a douche. I also have no idea how Meredith still has a job. If there is another gun man picking off cast members, take Arizona, April, Jackson, Teddy, and the Chief please. Owen can be wounded too - paraplegic would work.

Private Practice - this show is utter pure soapy crap. But, the intervention episode was astoundingly well-done. I credit the actors and especially Caterina Scorsone

A Gifted Man - I just watch this show for eye candy aka Patrick Wilson (and Pablo Schreiber).

Fringe - so many awesome twists and turns plus excellent acting. I'm pleased that Peter wasn't gone for long. I'm also developing a crush on Lincoln Lee. Another aspect of the show is that it's supposed to take place in the Boston area and it's fun to spot the hideous monster, disease, or anomaly that has popped up in your TV hometown. Needham hasn't been hit yet.

Grimm - the lead guy looks like somehow every actor who played Superman created a son. This show is really good at capturing the dark tone of Grimm fairy-tales. Eddie the werewolf is awesome comedic relief. Also Sasha Roiz, Capt. Renard, is my TV boyfriend. He spoke French in the last episode squee!

Once Upon a Time - this is the more kiddie friendly fairy tale show. It has me hooked because it's fun seeing real world counterparts for fairy tale characters. I'm waiting for Rapunzel and Pinocchio to pop up sometime!

Recipes from My Brother

Veggie Stew

Just get out your crock pot.

-Fill the thing with frozen vegetables, whatever you want. I specifically used: grilled asparagus, broccoli, chopped spinach, peas, artichoke hearts, mixed grilled onions and peppers.

-Splash a little water on top, I used much less than a cup. It doesn't need much, because the frozen veggies will provide water as they melt.

-Seasonings on top. I used: salt, pepper, olive oil, butter, and rice vinegar (any vinegar works, its just a matter of taste)

-Put the crock pot on high, check back on it in an hour, stir it up (to spread out the seasonings)

-Leave it on for as long as you want. It's ready to eat as soon as its warm, or you can keep it on low for days if you have to.

Delicious Coffee

Equipment:

1 French press

1 tea kettle

some coffee beans

2 mugs

some half and half

a stirring stick (chopstick or wooden spoon is best)

-First step is to mark off different ounce measurements on the outside of your French press These markings are weirdly absent from French presses, because the French don't like accuracy I guess? I marked out some 4 ounce progressions, like 8 12 16 20 24, because those seem to be the most helpful. I just used a sharpie on the outside metal part of mine where its most visible. Now to the coffee brewing!

-I put 4 heaping tablespoons of whole beans in the grinder for 16 ounces of water in the press. This makes 2 mugs of coffee with generous room for half and half (the only way I drink it!) :)

-Pulse-grind it (start and stop it) so you don't burn the beans. Grind it to a point where you still recognize bean-parts, not so its powder-fine.

-Boil your water, set a timer to 4:00 minutes and start it as you being to pour in the water. Pour up to your 16 oz line, stir the hot mess with a chopstick or wooden spoon once or twice, put on the plunger lid (keeps the steam in) and wait the rest of the 4:00 minutes

-I like to pour out the half and half into the mugs early, so that the cream warms up a little, reducing the chance you will scald it when you pour the coffee in.

-BEEP BEEP BEEP! Coffee's ready! Plunge and pour that wonderful stuff. Enjoy creamy rich coffee 4 eva :)

Apologies to My Mother

I have a feeling this blog title will be popping up kinda frequently as I get older.. This pioneering apology pertains to Play-doh.

As a little kid, I loved the stuff. I was a bit confused by the food making contraptions because Play-doh made such good looking fake food and yet you couldn't eat it. Also when I was little, my mother only allowed us to use Play-doh down in the basement because she told us that the smell gave her a splitting headache. Unfortunately, this Play-doh aversion was added to my Mean Mommy list.

Last night, I wound up playing with Play-doh for the first time in decades. I'm almost 35 and guess what happened? A POUNDING HEADACHE! I had to go to bed early with this pain in the middle of my forehead and behind my eyes. So, I'm sorry Mom. You were right. You weren't a Mean Mommy. I can't imagine functioning with that headache and two little kids...

What Am I Doing Wrong?

145 job applications, 10 rejections, 3 interviews over 85 days (approximately 3 months). This has been the most discouraging job hunt period I've had for the past several years. Everyone from recruiters to job specialists at the Unemployment office love my resumes. I've been told that I am doing everything right. But what the hell? I'm applying to a variety of positions from analyst to administrative to grocery stores (with target resumes and cover letters of course). I am even willing to take a huge salary hit just for decent health insurance. Speaking of, my insurance is so bad, I am avoiding going to the doctor because even a simple blood panel costs me $160.

The other day, I got an email from a company I had applied to. I saw the subject heading and got all excited and then I read the email. It was addressed to "Wendy" asking to set up a phone interview. Hoping it was just a typo, I wrote back explaining their error and indicated which time slot would work for me. Guess what? They didn't even want to interview me, it wasn't a typo!

Today, I stayed in bed for hours because what's the point of getting up? Applying to more jobs where I hear nothing back? My cats got me out of bed.

Unemployment fucking sucks.

Left Behind

One of the remaining deficits from my stroke is messed up feeling on my left side. The nerves are fine but the feeling interpretation center in my brain isn't in top form. Medical stuff doesn't make me feel queasy and I just love telling gross stories to queasy people. So buckle up!

Years ago, around 2002 or 3 when I was living in Waltham, I was organizing my bedroom and folded up one of those laundry drying racks and leaned it against the wall. As I walked away, the rack came with me. So I looked down and saw my left thumb folded up and pinned in the rack. "Uh oh, that should hurt." Yup, pain is a feeling that gets delayed in my brain woohoo!

A couple years after, I had been cooking chicken breasts in an open pan for dinner. Aftewards, I was doing the dishes when I felt stabbing pain on my left ring finger right around the first knuckle. I looked and I had a huge burn blister. Apparently some grease had splashed on my finger and had burned me which I didn't feel until hot water and soap hit it. To this day, I still have a divet on my finger to remind me to pay attention more when I'm cooking.

Around 2005-ish, I had these black dress pants that zipped up on the left side. I was at work and had gone to the ladies room. For some reason, it was really hard to unzip my pants. Like the zipper was caught on something. Um, that something was MY OWN SKIN! Yup, that shoulda hurt...

This final injury tale happened a couple months ago. I was playing with Stella in the living room and half watching TV. I had to go to the bathroom and as I was finishing up, I noticed a blood stain on my shirt. Then a blood stain on every surface I had touched in the bathroom. A nice hunk of my hand got swiped open by Stella and I hadn't noticed. Walking back to the living room was like retracing a crime scene! It doesn't help that I take a daily aspirin so clotting is a bit slowed down.

So, what have I learned from all this? Well, waxing anything on my left side is a breeze. And my eyes are my greatest tool to make sure good old Lefty is intact. Plus, if I feel pain on my left side that is a huge red flag since it takes a lot to make me feel it.

Laughing While I Drink Frosting

Bette Davis Eyes

June 2011. It was a warm night so I had my bedroom windows open. My bed was against a wall with two windows on either side. The windows open out onto the roof of the porch downstairs. Stella had been home for 3 months and had settled in nicely. Rasputin was still curious and when he approached her, she would swat or hiss. She would never approach him. She just wanted to exist alone.

Around midnight, Rasputin was sitting on the night table looking out the window as usual. I was drifting off to sleep when I heard this growling coming from the floor. It was Stella next to the night table. This was odd because Stella never sought out Ras to bug him and she hadn't growled for months. So, I sat up in bed and told Stella, "No. Be nice to Ras." Then I looked up at Ras who was still transfixed looking out the window and I saw the yellow eyes.

A raccoon was on the roof and only a screen window kept him out of my bedroom! He was just a foot away from where I had laid my head to sleep. So, I hopped out of bed swearing and apologizing to Stella and telling her to growl away. My big 14lb Mainecoon, Rasputin, was completely useless. But my new tiny tortoiseshell, Stella, knew what's up. Ha! Shaking, I looked up online to see how to scare away a raccoon - noise and lights. So, I shone a flashlight into his eyes and made a huge racket with a pot and pan. He slunk away. Of course, I was too wired to go back to sleep so I showered Stella with love and praise for protecting her mama. Guess what? She started growling at the other window when the raccoon tried to come back and Ras joined her on raccoon watch. That is how I fell asleep that night with two feline guardians protecting my windows from the evil yellow eyes of a raccoon.

Health Insurance is Bananas

Guess what I found out today with the help of a health insurance specialist at the unemployment center? I had secondary health insurance for a year that I didn't know about! Apparently, on the back of the rejection letter that Mass Health sends out, is your Health Safety Net member info. A year ago, I saw the first paragraph rejecting my Mass Health application and threw the letter out. Who knew that there was something else on the back? Man, this is why I wish regular citizens could access the NEHEN system... So, anyways it turns out that I didn't need to shell out over $2,000 this past calendar year for medical expenses because HSN would have covered a bunch of my diagnostics and labs. FUCK!

Mardi Septiembre Tizenegy Zweitausendeins

My first day back to work full-time was Tuesday September 11, 2001. I had been working a reduced schedule due to my stroke. By September, I had made pretty decent progress. My speech was still horrible - getting mangled on hard consonants and left sided feeling was weird. The day started at 8:30 and I settled into my desk as an admin at a local college. Not many professors had come in yet so I logged into the web forum that had become an internet home for me. A member who was known as a jokester/jack-ass/ pseudo-troll posted a topic titled "Plane hits WTC" Because he posted it, I didn't even bother clicking on the topic. A professor came in and while he walked past my desk, asked me if I had heard about the plane hitting the World Trade Center. I stammered something and both of us thought it was a tiny sesna. Realizing something was odd, I decided to go to cnn.com. The website wouldn't load. In fact, every kind of news website would not load.

So, I finally went back to the web forum and started reading that topic. That is how I saw the first photo of the tower on fire thanks to an international news link in that topic. This is also how I slowly realized that accident = attack. I sat at my desk trying to think through what I had just learned. My first thought was "Are we at war with some country?" It was entirely plausible since I had been in my stroke recovery bubble, that the country had gone to war without my knowledge. Another professor came out of his office and announced that the pentagon had exploded. I decided to try to find a TV and swung by a couple offices. Downstairs someone had found a 7 inch black and white TV so a group of us huddled around a desk looking at a black and white image of the towers on fire. The image and sound were so lousy, I wound up going back to my office.

Then, I remembered the radio in the closet so I hauled that out and had it on all day. Reports kept on coming in about a lot more hijacked planes. I could not keep track of how many. I called my mom and brother. And the entire conversation was checking that they're okay and just saying holy shit a lot. I found out about the tower collapse from Peter Jennings on the radio. He was the guy I grew up getting the news from and hearing how shaken he was scared me to death. I begged for any kind of work from the professors so I could just get away from the horrible news. I remember xeroxing a course packet thinking that this must be what it feels like living through history. I knew I didn't like it. Oh sure as a history major, I had imagined what it would feel like. When I got back the office, President Bush was making a speech and professors were gathered around the radio. The pit of dread in my stomach grew bigger. Classes were cancelled and most of the faculty headed home early. I still stuck around at work in a zombie state until the end of the day.

It is amazing to think that the attacks were ten years ago. I remember how quiet the skies were that night. I also remember noticing that it was like the whole world had a stroke. I had been struggling for months with getting my emotions under control. After 9/11, it was perfectly fine to break down in tears in public. That was a bit comforting to me. I checked to see if I could donate blood even though I was on Coumadin. Those were the ignorant days where I thought we'd find people in the ruins.

I've had 9 jobs since 2001 and every one has some kind of tv system rigged up which I think is a direct result from the attacks. Since that day, I have to check news sites when I get into work. If a website doesn't load, I know we're under attack. I still get a spike of anxiety when I hear a low flying plane. The first time I flew after 2001 was in 2005 to New York City for a vacation. The attacks still reverberated even in 2005. One of our tour guides thanked us for overcoming our fear and spending money in New York. She had lost someone in the attack and wound up adopting his dog when he didn't come home.

In general, this is why 2001 sucked:

June 10 - massive stroke
September 11 - NYC attack
November 6 - father rushed to hospital

Life Update

Irene
The forecasts and warnings got me into super prep mode gearing up for the storm. I hauled out my red cross emergency kit and packed a go bag. I also lined up two evacuation locations. If driving was fairly decent, I'd go to my parents. If driving was FUBAR, I'd go to my grandpa (who was alone at my aunt and uncle's place one town over). With the cats of course... I was hoping that they'd get along enough in an emergency that I could cram them in one big carrier. Luckily, my area of Quincy survived unscathed. No power outages and only one limb down and no flooding. My parents had no electricity for two days and my grandpa was fine with a two hour outage. For some weird reason, I had the urge to bake in the middle of the night. I had everything for my mom's sugar cookies recipe just sitting in my cupboard. I also tried to whip up baking chocolate flavoring using powdered bakers chocolate, sugar, and crisco. It didn't work 100% but it did give the cookies a light cocoa flavoring.


Work
I'm plugging away on my job search. I'm trying to use my network more and finally using the services offered at my local unemployment center. The e-learning classes look awesome! I can finally learn Quickbooks and SQL. Only 3 rejections and 1 phone interview so far. Some companies must have me on some kind of black list because every time I apply to them, I get a rejection in less than 24 hours. I'm also playing with the idea of selling Tupperware as a way to make money. It isn't as scammy as Mary Kay and I really enjoyed a recent party I went to.

Fun
Two weeks ago, I went camping here. I love the Berkshires and there is nothing like camping out there in the summer! Setting up our campsite was deceptively easy. I didn't even need a mallet for my tent stakes. Since I'm a camping noob, my friend was the shelter set-up guru with a massive tarp, tons of rope, and tricky knots. I am so going to learn survival stuff this coming year! We went downtown to get supplies at the local general store. As we were waiting for our dinner, subs to go, rain blew in with ginormous raindrops and gusts. We hurried back to our site only to see that the ground under our tents was a lake. Gee, wonder why it was so easy to stake them? As I huddled under our sagging shelter, I threw on the rain poncho I had packed only to find that it was a children's poncho. ARGH! I looked ridiculous and we decided to hotel it. We found a room here as we frantically drove towards Lee with me trying to figure out the GPS on my new cell phone. I gotta say, the attached Indian restaurant is AMAZING! So, if you're in the Lee vicinity and have a craving for Indian food, check out the Bombay. Also, a new discovery is Sula wine. Delicious, smooth and great nose.

The next day, we surveyed the campsite mess. Which wasn't too bad for me. Amazingly, my cheapo $17 tent kept my stuff fairly dry! I just had to dry off my sleeping mat. My friend had other soggy challenges. So, we drove to Bash Bish falls and wound up getting horribly turned around and as we were trying to get righted, I discovered that the falls required hiking. So, we decided to try Bartholemew's Cobble. Crap, more hiking. Then we went onto Great Barrington and had a great day. Hiking was a deal breaker for me since my knee is still recovering from those multiple falls and camping was already pushing it. I had an awesome sampler here and sweet potato fries. This store is amazing. That night, we had a nice campfire dinner with hot dogs, potatoes and s'mores. Then a nice rousing game of Uno. The next day on our way home, we had lunch with my brother. Everything was delicious and I got a growler of their strawberry lager. Sadly, Irene probably devastated all the places we visited.




Life

I am a sucker for interesting diagrams or theories, so see above! Lately, I am kicking ass on the left side of the wheel. I have contacted a local chorus and asked about joining. Plus, I have ordered my high holiday tickets from my old synagogue. And I have been widening my social circle through friends and family. That is basically a maneuver to maintain my sanity while being unemployed. Also, on the up side, my blood sugar was re-checked and is fine. But my blood pressure and cholesterol are still not so great. The dumb thing is that I can get my eating under control easily but the exercise part is tough for me now. It's the stupid voice in my head that has me delay all my exercise plans. The "Why don't you do it tomorrow?" devil on my shoulder. Sweet Lord, I am just trying to take a stroll on Wollaston beach not run a marathon!

Paying the Piper

I love food. I have been eating like a maniac for decades. If food is my drug then I am Keith Richards. Oh sure, there were years here and there where I made an effort to eat healthy but that never lasted. I'm approaching 35 at my highest weight ever. Sadly, that knowledge doesn't make ice cream taste less sweet or chocolate less tantalizing...

Maybe fear can get me into food rehab? I had to change PCP doctors because my old one is retiring (pun intended). So, my first appointment with Dr. New Guy was a physical. I like him. He's a good listener and explains things well. Plus, he has a dry sense of humor. So, the fear kicked in Tuesday morning when I was told 3 things:

1) My cholesterol is screwed up. Bad cholesterol (LDL) too high and good cholesterol (HDL) too low.
2) My blood sugar is too high
and
3) My blood pressure is skirting hypertensive.

Basically, my body is giving out from neglect. Dr. New Guy told me that I'm at a crossroads where I can pull myself back from a lot of medical mess. Cholesterol is food and exercise dependent. Blood sugar is food and my awful genetics (parent and grandparents who are diabetic). The doctor ran a new blood test that looks at my sugar levels over time. Blood pressure can be helped with weight loss and exercise. In the interim, he has me monitoring my bp at home to make sure mine isn't spiking due to being at the doctors office. My blood pressure used to be down around 120/80. At home, it hasn't reached that low yet but it is definitely not as high as the doctor's office.

I also decided to track my sugar, salt and cholesterol intake on random days. So far, both salt and cholesterol are within reason (1200mg and 300 mg respectively). But sugar is horribly out of whack. My doctor also mentioned that I lost 3 lbs between our initial meeting and the follow-up appointment. He asked me if I had noticed the weight loss. I snorted and explained that I am so disconnected to my body the only loss I would notice would be 100 lbs.

You know what is the most idiotic part of the shambles of my health? All of this is under my control and all the out of whack readings are stroke risk factors! Diabetes, high blood pressure, and bad cholesterol is a recipe for a cerebral vascular accident. This shit has to get under control. The gate is coming down now! I'm reading up on the DASH diet and food exchanges. I love oatmeal but unfortunately, the instant kind has a ton of salt. I'll have to research alternatives...

Extended Vacation

My contract has ended and I'm unemployed again. This comes after a week where I was told that my job was secure and everyone loved me. And also after a week where I discovered that vlookups in Excel aren't fool-proof. Apparently if you have files in two versions of Excel, vlookups don't link properly. Which leads to errors in reports. Tuesday, I was given a stern warning to "be better". Thursday night, my staffing rep left me a message to not go into work Friday. You know what's sad? I had been in one foot out the door temp mode for months but I got lulled into security by this job. Hell, I even brought in pictures of my family! I was nesting! Now this happens.

This morning, with absolutely no contact with my former employer, I swapped off my id for a cliched box of desk belongings. Yeah, I was that chick riding home on the red line with a box of work shoes, family photos, and sundry toiletries. No, some rich business dude did not give me his card and offer me a job after observing the box o' rejection. Rich business dudes don't ride the red line at 11:30 AM. That would have been awesome, right?

After some initial freaking out, and yet another encounter with a rude MA unemployment employee (seriously do these people get any training?), I am in list making moving on mode. For a moment there, I was worried that I would have to give up Stella if I couldn't afford a second cat. That has been tabled on my list of worries. First order of business, quite obviously being an analyst is not a job for me. It doesn't matter how much I enjoy working with numbers and diving into Excel, this is my fourth round of unexpected unemployment as an analyst.

So, what does that leave me? I have a history BA and MBA and that lines up with a career how? Again, I am annoyed that I don't have a calling. I thought being an analyst was that because how I got so wrapped up in data and completely nerded out, even on my own time, when trying to find patterns. Maybe my calling is research? Eh, I'll figure that out but for now I need a new job where I can actually excel and earn a living so I'm thinking of going back to being an admin. Maybe Officer Manager or Admin who wears many hats? I don't care. I just need a paycheck and benefits. No vacation days for almost two years people! Industry-wise, I would love to go back to non-profits. Investment banking is definitely not for me or for anyone after Aug. 2 - just sayin...

I will really miss my former co-workers. They were incredibly supportive and patient with me as I struggled to learn the industry and my reports. I will miss the laughs, coffee runs, swearing, and random music. They are good people. Too bad management is so shitty. I also wish there was a learning extractor now that my brain is chock full of useless security finance knowledge. Blah, blah demand spread, investment vehicles, blah, collateralization. Maybe this will help my Trivial Pursuit game?

You know what's sad? This looks like a doable job for me:

Hey, free booze.

Crazy Goodness

I have been back at work for the past three weeks. The first week I tried crutches. It was no fun at all. I wound up in more pain from my back than my knees! After some consultation with my physical therapist, I moved onto a cane. Of course I got some crazy pink and purple flowered number. One must add a hint of color! Again, I should praise my fellow T commuters. I only got one jerk who gave me a hard time about giving up her seat. Most people volunteer, with me having to ask! On the flip side, I have to gripe about MBTA maintenance workers for choosing to "fix" perfectly fine escalators during the peak commuting hours - kinda a pain for a person with limited mobility guys!

The last couple weekends I've been able to go swimming which has been awesome. Last weekend, it was at a family graduation party with a pool. I was a good girl with Irish skin - rocking the SPF. But I did wind up with a slight browning and no burn so score! This weekend, I got to swim in Falmouth as I stayed with family/friends in Pocasset. We hit the beach at high tide which was beyond awesome. Of course, there was a couple feet of painful rock/shells then boom waist deep water. And a couple feet more, up to the neck. I wasn't so smart with the sun lotion this weekend so I'm rocking the salmon pink shoulders, arms and legs. My new bathing suit was pretty awesome.

Both swimming opportunities came with awesome cookout food. This weekend, it was magically delicious corn on the cob. I love pretending that I am an old fashioned typewriter as I'm eating a cob. Also, I need to buy Jack Daniels BBQ sauce ASAP! Last weekend, there were amazing steak tips and grilled peppers. Yellow peppers are my favorites.

Plus, we have all survived horrible 103 heat wave affliction, saw some awesome thunderstorms (I saw dozens of bolts of lightening as I drove to the Cape), and have a decent temperate week to look forward to!

The Cripple in the Tower

Guess what? Inspired by HBO's "Game of Thrones", I will be writing my own fantasy series! No, actually that's my lame attempt at a joke after two weeks being laid up in my apartment.

Technically, it all started back in February when I fell on ice. But the bad screaming pain built up to unbearable June 14. Even more alarming, the pain was on my left side which has muted feeling thanks to my stroke. This is the same side that I have burned, cut, and pinched because my nerves took the long way to my pain center. So, having constant high level pain was NOT GOOD! I couldn't sleep because my knee hurt no matter how I lay down. I was next to tears at work. One of my co-workers, who was officer in charge covering my boss' vacation, instructed me to get an emergency doctor's appointment and take the time I needed to get better. Which is exactly what I needed to hear since I was in my martyr, stiff upper lip, only a temp mode.

I was able to get an appointment the next day with my orthopedist by explaining that it was either the appointment or E.R. From the appointment I got pain meds and an order for an MRI. I went to one of those open air open 18 hour places. I got to get a CD of my scans. It wasn't like I could understand what the scans meant but I had fun scrutinizing each dark spot! I diagnosed knee cancer several times.

My doctor called and told me that I have severe bones bruising and barely any cartilage under my kneecap. See all that white stuff on the picture below? That is bruising. My doctor told me it's like I broke my leg without the actual breakage. Recovery takes 4 to 6 weeks.



It was great to have some kind of explanation after dealing with knee problems for five months. But that was pretty awful news. My first concern was keeping my job. Luckily, I have amazing co-workers and a decent company. So, a plan was devised that would allow me to work remotely for at least two weeks on a trial basis. After a couple kinks, it has worked out fairly well! But again I was concerned about keeping the job so I'm going back to work July 5. My physical therapist said it's doable if I go in on crutches.

Being stuck in my apartment with only two cats to keep me company has been pretty tough. I do get out a couple times per week for PT or a quick run to Dunkins. But those trips land me on my couch icing my knee and popping pain pills. I have got to say, thank God for Peapod grocery deliveries! I put in my delivery instructions that stairs are difficult due to an injury. Every order has been brought upstairs to my floor by extremely helpful people. Prices are good too. I don't know how I'll go back to regular shopping now!

Belated Update

Well, it has been a while! A lot has been going on lately so it has been tough to find time to write.

The first thing is a combination of good and bad. A department member left the team at the end of May. So, I assume you are thinking what I was thinking – job opening! Unfortunately, the department head refused to place a new hire requisition. Guess who wound up with all the exiting analyst’s work? Me! On the up side, I am making mad money through overtime. Plus, I am making myself essential to the team. On the down side is that I am swamped and not doing my best work. Plus, if I can handle all this, what else are they going to dump on me?

I also started doing physical therapy last month. I think it has been going really well. At my first assessment, my extreme flexibility was noted. That has been the problem all my life – I am bendy like Gumby but not strong like Arnold so I fall really badly with limbs going wrong ways. The cool thing is I am doing new PT exercises now. It’s not all using a towel stretching or lifting a purse with your leg. There is a cool variety of routines! I like one therapist. The other I haven’t met with as often but he bad-mouthed my rehab physical therapy for my stroke. That didn’t make me feel too great. It’s like “Gee, thanks for pointing out what I should do when I get a time machine. My shoulder will thank you for being in its socket.”