Nine Months of Dealing With This Crap

Back in January this happened:

The crash did this to my body:

I've had 3 sets of x-rays, countless doctor's appointments, months of physical therapy, prescriptions up the wazoo, and lots of pain.  The first injury I focused on was my neck.  It was beyond whiplash.  I had nerve damage and muscle problems.  That was my physical therapy from February to May.  Then I was still dealing with pain and mobility issues.   Back to physical therapy in July.  The focus was relieving pain, muscle spasms, and strengthening my right shoulder muscles.  I am also getting trigger point injections in my upper back.  The one injury that didn't get better or respond to physical therapy was my chest.  I remember that being the first excruciating pain I felt after impact.  I remember crying after seeing that horrible bruise on my body.  So, yet another doctor's appointment.  My doctor believes that my upper ribs were ripped off my sternum with the impact of the accident.  The recovery period is years but it's an injury I will have to deal with the rest of my life.  

First off, I have to say that I am grateful I was able to walk away from this accident but I am also angry as hell.  I don't have a regular job or good health insurance so I don't have the luxury of resting and recovering.  Where was I as my unanchored ribs throbbed in my chest?  At my desk at work.  What happened to my pain killer prescriptions?  I can only take 1 pill at night because I need to work in the morning.  What do I do if I'm having a bad day and everything is throbbing?  Grit my teeth and go to work.  My entire life has been painfully upended because some stupid 81 year old who did not see a red light.  I am also paying off a car that I can't afford thanks to this senile jackass.  I wish I didn't have to deal with pain on a daily basis or have yet another thing I will have to struggle with the rest of my life.  I also wish old farts would stop driving and endangering others.

Summer's Gone

Goodbye Flex Fridays, white shoes, traffic at a standstill Thursday afternoon onward, and sleeping fine under just a sheet.  Overall, this summer wasn’t too bad!  The heat waves were spaced out and I got ample opportunities to swim.  We did get some very dramatic weather and I loved it.  Nothing is more awe inspiring than a cold front blowing through,  blacking out the skies and thunder booming.  It was nice to have a regular job that I enjoy too.

I had to go back to physical therapy this summer due to lingering car accident issues.  Apparently if your entire torso gets torqued in an accident, you have to deal with nerve, muscle and tissue damage.  I’m getting trigger point injections to manage muscle spasms and pain on top of acupuncture and regular PT.  It’s so much better to address my injuries directly rather than popping a pill that keeps me housebound for the night.  My sternum and upper right torso were crushed by my seatbelt and interestingly enough cupping really helps with the pain.  That area can’t get injections unless I want a punctured lung so cupping has been a Godsend! I cannot express how awesome the picture above is!  Laughing through pain is good.

Also on a shallow point, I just heard the good news that Jason Morgan will be leaving General Hospital since the actor won't be renewing his contract.  I have hated his character for ages and that he will be off my screen for good (and hopefully dying a violent death) is making me happy.  Years of this blank faced orange troll haired character sucking up screen-time annoyed me to no end.  You gotta love the variety of his outfits!  One of my favorite message boards calls him the "roided goiter".

 

So adios asshole character who acted like his raped wife cheated on him (yeah he was one of "heroes" on GH).  General Hospital has been really awesome lately.  I actually watch the majority of the episodes, just fast-forward Sonny boringness.  I think part of the upswing of quality in the show is thanks to this guy - 

Todd Manning is THE BEST!  The actor, Roger Howarth, has a great energy and his ad-libs are hilarious. 

Commute Update

My daily commute includes routes 93, 24 and 495 between 7:15 AM to 9:00 and 4:30 to 6:00 PM.  A lot of recent articles have come out on route 24's safety due to several deadly accidents in the past month.  Police have stepped up a prescence on the highway.  Some observations about 24 over the past two days - I have seen cars drifting out of lanes on the on-ramp to 24 from 93 because the driver was texting.  I have gotten out of the way from cars going 90 - 100 mph sometimes in the fast-lane or just zig-zagging.  I have also had to dodge cars drifting into my lane due to A) cell phones B) distractions or C) some kind of intoxication.  So, that police prescence isn't really making my commute any safer!  I have gotten into the habit of sticking in the middle lane on cruise control to avoid all the crazies.

I do have a bravo for the police on 93.  You don't know how awesome it is to see the assholes who decide the breakdown lane should be another lane get bagged by a Statie.  I've seen entire lines of cars nabbed between route 28(exit 5) and route 37 (exit 6).  I totally do the Nelson, "Ha, haa" laugh every time I pass them.  I also try to allow merging cars room in front of me in the goal of zipper merging.  You know what happens?  The merging driver is on their cell phone and would rather bomb forward and shoulder their way into the lane when the road narrows which ties up traffic of course.

Yesterday, I could not figure out whether the driver in front of me was drunk or not.  She wasn't on a cell phone or had anyone else in her car.  We were in 16 mph stop and go traffic but for some reason, she could not stay in the lane even though we passed two state police stops.  She'd drift into the breakdown lane and all of a sudden overcorrect to her left.  I don't know what to do in those situations.  Should I call the police?  I do worry that not calling might wind up allowing the driver to kill someone in the future.

Also, I leave my house with more than enough time to reach my destination.  If I'm running late, I know it's my fault and not the driver in front of me.  Why is that such a hard concept?  You can sign up for traffic alerts here.  I do get annoyed when I hit traffic but that doesn't transfer into my driving behavior.  No laying on the horn or tailgating from me.  All of us need to be more calm and aware as we drive.

Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now?

Actually Daniel Tosh, no it wouldn't be funny.  When I read about his latest stand-up routine here.  I was disgusted but not that surprised.  This is the same guy who likes to joke about how smart women are ugly.  Wasn't that a big joke back in the 1950's?  Right along with "Take my wife, please..."

Then I read about the harassment of Anita Sarkeesian the next day which blew my mind.  Where does all this hatred towards women come from?  I know some people would say mothers.  I've been around men with mommy issues my whole life and they usually aren't so blatant in their misogyny.  Why is threatening women okay now?  I know there are a lot of people out there feeling powerless and angry so now's the time to lash out against The Other.

It's not just these two women.  In the past two years, I've been threatened and screamed at a lot more than usual.  The usual, "Fucking bitch" and then the oh so lovely, "I'm going to put you in the hospital".  Somehow it seems like women have become the acceptable group to kick nowadays.  The anniversary of Title IX brought out the vocal women haters.

Listen, just leave us alone.  We don't hate you.  We aren't taking anything from you.  We just want to live our lives.  If something seems unfair or angers us, we speak up!  If your life sucks, its not my fault or my entire gender's fault.

Love Letter to Stella

Last year I was working such long hours, I was worried about Rasputin being alone all day.  I could tell that he was bored since he got into all kinds of mischief during the day and even when I got home, he acted up.  I looked into getting a second cat.  I knew three things – the cat needed to be shorthair (I had a hard enough time keeping up with Rasputin’s Maine Coon fur), the cat couldn’t be too young (Rasputin weighs 17lbs and is very playful), and the cat needed to be female (I had read opposite gender cats get along better).  So, I went off to the Quincy Animal Shelter just to window shop.  I thought I found the cat of my dreams.  She was a smoky beauty named Aster.  I went home, crunched some numbers, assessed my apartment, and decided to go for Aster.  The next day when I contacted the shelter, Aster had already been adopted.  Boo!  I went back the next weekend and hung out in the socialization room.  A sassy tortoiseshell caught my eye.  One minute she was all affectionate rubbing against you, the next she swatted at you.  Her name was Daisy.  She was so small I had no way of guessing her age – 8 years.  I adopted her, named her Stella, and took her home the next weekend.

It was a steep learning curve with Stella.  She wasn’t as  playful or snuggly as Rasputin.  Catnip did nothing to her.  She hissed and growled at Rasputin.  I couldn’t trim her claws without getting ripped to shreds.  There were a couple days there that I worried that I made a mistake adopting her.  Now, I can’t imagine my home without her.  She is so much more relaxed and friendly!  Rasputin and her will never snuggle up and snooze but they definitely enjoy having each other around.  They chase each other back and forth across the apartment, and  play swatting games.  Rasputin even gets my attention when he’s worried about Stella (like when wind blew a door shut with her stuck in the eaves.  Rasputin also likes to tattle on her when she’s getting into mischief.  Stella is great with guests.  She hangs out while Rasputin hides in the bedroom closet.  She also gets very worried if I am crying and has to sit next to me.

Stella is the first down the stairs to say hi to me when I get home from work.  Also, when I wake up in the morning she is at the foot of the bed and walks up under my hand to get petted.  She doesn’t hiss at Rasputin anymore unless he has vet smell on him.  She shows her tummy all the time.  I play this Venus flytrap sit-up game with her.  If she’s displaying tummy I scratch her lower belly so Stella tries to sit up to swat at my hand.  Over and over and she gets abs of steel!  She isn’t a big meower and when she does meow, she sounds like she had a three pack a day cigarette habit.  Stella adores these colorful fuzzy balls and treats them like her babies – meowing as she carries one into another room.

I love you girly!  You make my home full of furry love.

First World Problems

The new job has been going really well.  I enjoy the work, the people, and all the newness.  The only thing that sucks is the commute coming home.  I guess that is what I get living in a city that is the crux of two highways plus a mall with two highway entrances.  I experimented with many different routes home and have whittled it down to two.  If I am in a rush or traffic is at an absolute standstill, I can take 28 to Chickatawbutt Road.  If my blood pressure is low and I have time, stop and go on 93N is the only option.  But what exit do I get off on?  Braintree/37 or brave dumb asses not knowing how to merge and people creating a lane in the breakdown to get to the Burgin Parkway/Washington Street exit?  I also have the option to take either Burgin or Washington.  Basically, my commute home is a decision tree fueled by emotions,  what reserves of patience I have, or where I am in the Game of Thrones audiobook. So wah, wah I have a job that has only one sucky aspect.

I have my annual summer cold.  Right now I am fighting to make sure it doesn’t morph into a sinus infection.  I had to take a sick day, or in the temp world also known as sacrificing hundreds of dollars to make sure that I won’t lose thousands in the future.  At 4 AM Monday morning as I was hacking up a lung, I had convinced myself that I got Eastern Equine Encephalitis from mosquito bites.  That’s how my ego and anxiety works.  If I have to be sick, it is something fantastical that makes the news because I’m sooo special.  Granted, I do have some experience in fantastical newsworthy ailments - hello swine flu 2010 and heart defect like Tedy Bruschi.  I’m sure fluids, rest and anti-histamines will knock this out of my system. 

I am barely using my DVR nowadays since it’s summer TV season and I have the crappiest cable package.  I have The Daily Show, Colbert Report, and Futurama in my rotation.  I tried Longmire due to the Starbuck factor but it was too boring.  I have been able to catch up on the new True Blood episodes and I am really liking them!  The sense of humor and a lot of moving parts story-wise.  Also, shirtless/ naked Eric doesn’t hurt…  I also caught up on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.  My favorite episodes are “Dee and Dennis Go on Welfare” and “The Gang Cracks the Liberty Bell”.  The last season of Dexter is under my belt too.  Ugh, it was really bad except for the last couple of minutes.  The last good opponent for Dexter was Trinity.  Ever since then, it has been downhill.   You know a season is bad when Masuka winds up winning you over. 

La Cinematique du Loki

I have seen both Iron Man movies, both Hulk movies, Thor and Captain America so obviously I have seen The Avengers.  I liked the first Iron Man movie.  Both Hulk movies sucked.  I seriously loved Thor (which surprised me).  Captain America was boring and a chore to watch.  The second Iron Man was okay but Robert Downey Jr. played Tony Stark like a Tourettes patient on Ritalin.  I just wanted him to sit down and shut up!

I have actually seen The Avengers twice.  Why?  Because of this guy...

I thought he was decent in Thor but man somehow he completely stole the show in The Avengers!  This is him in Thor - 

Same guy shorter hair but somehow tamer and softer. I guess I like my villains batshit insane.  Also, you can't beat his amazing intro in The Avengers

Too bad Tom Hiddleston looks so goofy in real life

To sum up, more Loki please.  Also, good job Joss Whedon!  Can you bring back Firefly now?

Manic May

Due to a problem with my unemployment claim, I had gone six weeks without any kind of income. With past due bills and rent looming, I applied for a job in a warehouse. It was a two week gig where I had to log boxes of medical records into an Excel worksheet. It wasn’t too bad. The commute was good, the work was doable, and my co-workers were nice. I didn’t like the moldy dank air or the darkness. It was money coming in – that was all I cared about. The second week, the supervisor went a little batty because there were technical problems with Excel and he had a looming deadline. That is when he had me lifting boxes and I agitated my neck injury. So, back to popping muscle relaxants and Vicodin in the evening, my dad convinced me to complain to management. I did and I only worked two days that week. I would have been pissed at the lost wages BUT….

I got a contract job that will last until at least year end!!! I started May 22. On top of that, the six weeks of unemployment was cleared up Thursday May 17. I had no feedback or discussion about my claim. That evening I logged into my online bank account and noticed the balance was HUGE. So those past due bills? PAID. Rent? COVERED. My refrigerator finally has something in it beyond condiments and water.

The new job has been nice. I like the people I work with and the work is interesting. It has been slow since I need to get up to speed on processes and background before I am given much to do. The commute can be fine or awful. I’m getting the hang of the timing. Also, I am getting over my fear of using the breakdown lane. I just hate how hairy it gets around exits if you want to go straight!

So You're Unemployed

I have gone through three rounds of lay-offs in the past five years so I decided to share some wisdom and experience to the unemployed masses. Some of these tips are Massachusetts specific and some are universal.

Make Sure You File Your Unemployment Claim ASAP - sure take some time for freaking out and a tidal wave of emotions but the sooner you get your claim started the better. It takes 4 - 6 weeks to get your first unemployment check and those first two weeks are unpaid. It's a weird buffer rule. If you are on hold forever on the phone, it's totally worth it to go to an actual unemployment office. The staff are sympathetic and courteous now (in the past they used to treat us like idiot losers). Here is a list of walk-in centers.

You need to become a numbers person - I happen to be a finance person so this comes naturally to me. If you're not a numbers person, you just need to make a list of your monthly expenses and total that up. Then total up your unemployment compensation. Of course there is going to be a huge gaping hole of money. You're unemployed now, so you don't need the best cell phone plan or HBO. I was able to cut my TV payment down to $33.00 just by switching to Dish's most basic package. You can also get a free cell phone here. My other major expense was heating oil. In my town, there is a community action program that provides heating assistance. In just one appointment, I qualified for assistance this winter.

Defer/forebearance - if you have student loans, make sure you call and defer payments due to financial hardship. I know it sucks when you think about it and I know I'll be paying my loan off when I'm in my 60's. Short term relief is definitely needed when unemployed. If you think you can swing it. you can try to sign up for the income based payment plan. That way, at least you're chipping away at the loan however slowly.

Be smart about food - eating out has to basically be eliminated. If you have friends/family who take you out, enjoy and bring home a doggie bag. The quick runs to the grocery store to grab miscellaneous items have to be curtailed too. Those add up! Plan your shopping around sales and shelf life. Frozen foods are your friend and are usually on sale someplace. Stocking up on staples like rice or beans can last for a while. Coupons can be handy but you have to be smart about them. $1.00 off on 4 pints of yogurt sounds like a bargain but can you eat all that yogurt before it expires? Trader Joes actually has some great grocery bargains! I'm still figuring out this aspect. Ugh, I had to throw out wilting/rotting bagged salads I hadn't gotten to eating this week! That's flushing money down the toilet.

Credit cards aren't your friend anymore - my lack of attention/denial in this area caught up with me this year. Those recurring charges or just using the card for gas actually gets pretty expensive! I got myself in a pretty bad hole so I sought assistance from this place. It was upsetting and yet helpful to air my financial dirty secret. The representative helped break down my options and negotiate better APR rates. Now, I am able to sleep easily rather than waking up at 2:00 AM with finance nightmares. Seriously, I would bolt upright and find a calculator which would only prove that I was in deep doo doo.

Healthcare sucks - COBRA is insanely high and yet individual plans are pretty expensive too. I have the crappiest Blue Cross plan and I pay over $300 per month. Luckily there is the Medical Security Program which can provide financial assistance. Getting qualified is fairly easy but getting monthly reimbursements is a pain in the butt. It depends on who opens your submission: if they have basic reasoning skills or reading comprehension. Don't get discouraged if you constantly get requests for resubmission with instructions that make no sense. For example, you send in copies of the bill, and proof of payment. God forbid you use e-bill. That sends the MSP program into a tizzy. Basically, they just want to see a cancelled check and bill. Okay, enough ranting. It's worth it to get up to 80% financial assistance.

Be creative - look around your place and figure out what you would be able to sell. Luckily, there is a booming used items market out there. I have made a tidy sum being an Amazon reseller. Seriously, do you need a complete collection of all Buffy episodes? No you don't when you can make $80 selling them. Also Craigslist has a ton of random ways to make money from paid focus groups to medical studies. If you are smart, skinny, and healthy donating eggs/sperm is an awesome payday. Sadly, I'm just smart so my fabulous genetic material is just mine. If you are crafty in any way, set up a shop on Etsy.

Pride is your enemy - you don't need the latest shoes, makeup, haircut, or clothes. Make do with what you have or sometimes consignment shopping reveals amazingness. You know that checkout clerk you chat with while grocery shopping? She has a job, you don't. No one is above or better than anyone. Visiting a food bank isn't an admission of failure. In fact, nowadays a huge variety of people seek food assistance. I am growing out my hair basically because it's cheap and when I need a trim, I do it myself. Supercuts is good in a pinch too. Also, asking for help getting a job is now called networking. That sounds better than begging, right?

Beware of scams - don't let money anxiety override common sense. There are a lot of shady people out there willing to take advantage of the desperate and unemployed. I detailed here my run-in with shipping stolen goods for the Russian mob. I have also come across a new scam. Con artists trying to rent out someone else's home while claiming that they are working abroad. Basically, if it sounds too good to be true, like most work from home ads or paid poll sites, you won't see a dime. Thanks Anonymous commenter for reminding me of this deplorable side of unemployment. Yeah, sell your scam elsewhere.

I have no idea how I'm still positive while I'm on my last unemployment extension. It's probably equal parts denial and medication. I'm lucky that I don't have kids, just two cats. I can't imagine the pressure of unemployment with kids. I don't know, it has to get better right? I bet after November, things will pick up. I feel like businesses are holding their breath until after the election.

2008 All Over Again

SPOILERS AHOY

Because of the movie and the fact that a bunch of my 30-something peers had read the series, I finally broke down and started them. My goodness, I was completely sucked in! It had a world that intrigued me, characters that engaged, enraged, and broke my heart. Objectively, the writing style is decent but I do admit skimming over the endless descriptions of clothing. Katniss' mother was an infuriating non-entity and she totally deserves not getting named the entire series. Shallowly, Gale would be more my speed looks-wise but man Peeta has the heart and soul of an artist so count me solidly on Team Peeta.

Maybe it's because I am at the point where I debate between groceries or seeing the doctor, and I have several family members living below the poverty line; the main draw of the books for me is the social commentary. The Occupy movement was basically street theater for most Americans because they don't have to worry where their next meal comes from. I worked at an investment bank and got to hear my co-workers chuckling over the homeless and making fun of the poor. So the leap of today's "not my problem"attitude to let's see these worthless poor kids kill each other isn't too wide in my opinion.

It is rare that a sequel is just as good if not better than the original but wow, Catching Fire ratchets up the stakes so much I had a knot of tension in my stomach from President Snow's visit to the end of the book! The description of Snow was so vivid I had a visceral reaction every time he showed up in Catching Fire. Also, the introduction of new characters was seamless and it was hard to remember that we didn't know Johanna or Finnick from the beginning! I'm glad that the Quarter Quell wasn't as drawn out as the 74th Hunger Games because the masochistic torture of the Quell was off the charts. I have no idea how readers could stand the wait after the cliffhanger ending.

This was a bit of a let-down. Katniss was less kick ass and more broken, lovesick mopey like other typical young adult heroines (not naming names). The entire revolution was so removed from the main characters it kinda felt like a magic wand was waved. Also, the entire series is like a list of exquisite ways to torture Peeta. He's like Job and it got a bit ridiculous in this book. I still have trouble deciphering what the hell happened in the attack on the Capitol. It was way too rushed and some deaths were glossed over that shouldn't have been. Did Suzanne Collins have a page limit for this book? As hokey as it is, I do like the epilogue because I'm a glass half full gal.


I saw the movie this weekend and I was very impressed. I loved the overall feeling of dread and Jennifer Lawrence made a perfect Katniss. I'm okay with the changes like no Madge giving the Mockingjay pin. I also thought the use of Caesar Flickman during the Game was an ingenious way to explain details to newbies. Seneca's bigger role was pretty good too. Damn that beard was impressive, wasn't it? I did cry when District 11 saluted Katniss after Rue's death. Pulling in the political upheaval elements from Catching Fire was a really smart move. Woody Harrelson's Haymitch was a complete gem and perfectly matched what I imagined. My one big complaint is that Peeta really did not get defined as a character. A lot of his pivotal scenes weren't in the movie. He was the blonde guy who liked Katniss in the movie. Maybe I can hope for some deleted scenes extras on the DVD? I have no words for the race casting issue. Apparently the youth of America have reading comprehension problems. Also, this weight kerfuffle is beyond dumb. Jennifer Lawrence is skinnier than most American women and she owned the Katniss role.

Manservant Toby

As a single gal who lives alone, life or medical situations sometimes get in the way of getting shit done. I haven't bought kitty litter for weeks because lifting the bag up to my apartment will wreck my neck. The last time I got kitty litter, I was out of work for a day laid up on muscle relaxants and Vicodin. Luckily, my cats have been holding out fine. I didn't mail in bill payments on time because I had no stamps and no time to pick up some booklets. Who picks me up and drops me off when I get my eyes dilated at optometrist appointments? My parents.

This is why I need a manservant. I picked Toby as a pleasant sounding name. He'd help me get shit done and keep me organized. Car needing work? He'd drop me off at work and then drive it over to the shop. Injured spine? He'd do the heavy lifting and reaching . He would also take the cats to their appointments. Also, he would have some magical ability to eliminate tufts of cat fur collecting everywhere in my apartment. Mail would be opened and organized rather than thrown in a teetering pile on my coffee table. He would pick up prescriptions when I'm sick or injured.

It will be like having a husband without the marriage, love and sex. A cut and dry business arrangement.

Norovirus Not Kidding Around

I thought I had some bad food last Wednesday. It was just mild tummy issues that seemed to get better with rest so I went back to work Thursday. Horrible bad idea. I developed stabbing pain on my right side and just swallowing my own saliva made me feel like I would vomit. Friday was another sick day that I spent in bed. I had to haul myself out of bed to pick up gatorade and saltines etc. around 1:00 PM. I was very woozy and lightheaded. I shuffled through Stop & Shop like a nauseous zombie. I had to go straight back to bed when I got home. Thank goodness for Netflix streaming and cats acting like heating pads!

Of course when you're stricken with such an illness, you start wondering about where you could have gotten infected. At first, I blamed my parents since they had been sick a couple weeks before. But I bumped into my neighbor Saturday and it turns out he had been sick for about a week. Plus, when I came into work this morning, it turns out one of my co-workers got so ill she had to be hospitalized. So, it's making the rounds and no one is really immune. If this was a zombie virus, I think the whole south shore would be moaning brain eaters!

Komically Bad Karma

Last Saturday, I bought a new car. 2010 Ford Focus with 36,000 miles on it.

It is a great ride and is very comfortable with cool options like cruise control and aux line in stereo.

This evening, I needed to pick up dry food for my cats after work so I decided to swing by Star Market on Granite St. on my way home. That had been my destination when I had my horrible accident. So, to dispel any anxiety, I drove another route to the store.

I was waiting to pull out from the parking lot with traffic backed up in front of me due to the Burgin Parkway light. At a complete stop, I heard a crunch noise and felt a slight bump. Some teenagers had just hit the back of my car! I got out of my car and asked for their paperwork. I got the kid's license but they refused to hand over the registration until a cop showed up. Some extra helpful Quincy bystanders complained about our cars being in the way. Thank you for your concern. The kids really didn't want to get insurance involved. But since my bank is the lien holder, I have to see the repairs through legitimately. I really hope the teens get a huge insurance hike and get in trouble with their parents!

First off, I am glad that I am uninjured and my car just has cosmetic damage. Secondly, what the fuckity fuck? How am I owed yet another car accident by life? I seriously need to stock up on evil eyes, rabbits feet, and salt!

The Aftermath

When I got ready to take a shower the evening of January 25th, one look at my body, I started sobbing and then I called my mom. I had a bruise on my upper chest that was so dark and massive, it looked like I had a hole in my body. That was the impact injury from my seat belt. Sadly, I have small boobs so the chest strap slips higher. I had a bruise on my left knee where it hit the steering column. I also had bruises from fingers probably from strapping me down on the backboard. I had never seen my body so marked by injuries in my entire life. Those bruises aren't gone yet but they have definitely faded. My upper chest is still very tender/sore.

The physical injuries are a lot easier to recover from than the psychological impact. Most of the accident has become hazy but the moment of impact is slo-mo crystal clear. I can call it up whenever I want to. It's like all my heightened emotions and the physical pain has preserved the moment in crystal for me. I remember my thoughts going from "oh shit," to "well, I guess that grocery trip is nixed" to "did I seriously see the car that hit me careen into a parked car?" and finally, "Ow, ow, ow, OW!" I couldn't breathe between the pain in my chest and horrible exploded airbag mist, the fear, and pain were overwhelming. Since I need to function like a normal adult, I went back to therapy. Now, I can drive without turning into a crying shaking mess. I still say out loud whenever I drive through an intersection, "No one will kill me, right?" On the up side, I kicked serious ass at work - thank goodness for the contract job! Something to focus all my attention and energy upon rather than wallowing. I must admit, I am dreading when this contract gig ends.

Slowly but surely, I'll slap myself back together and be me again.

New Car and Cat Drama

Yesterday, I went to Enterprise with the plan of just test driving a couple cars. I basically feel in love with this 2010 Focus and signed all the paperwork. She's coming home Saturday Feb. 25. I picked Billie for a name since Billie Holiday sang the blues.

This past week, I had to take Rasputin to an emergency clinic since he had been struggling to pee for days and had licked his groin area raw. He's a big lovable lump so vet visits are never a hassle. In fact, the more compliant he is, the sicker he feels. He was checked out and it wasn't a UTI. He has feline idiopathic cystitis. The treatment is pain meds and muscle relaxants. He is doing a lot better now. And he is always great with medications.

On the other hand, Stella had a check-up Saturday. My lord, getting her into the carrier was a chore and a half! My hands were shredded stumps once I got her in. And the vet did not sedate her even though I had asked. So, when she got home, she was a traumatized hissing basket case. Sedation isn't just to help the vet, it's to help her with the exam! I had to keep her in her old isolation room. Rasputin wound up busting her loose (he is such a dope - Stella hisses and swipes him). She is slowly getting better.

Checking In

I'm alive. I hired a lawyer to help with my accident settlement so mums the word on that front. I'm hoping to get a new (to me) car this month. I am deciding between a Ford Focus or Chevy HHR. My last car, Gloria, was a 2001 Focus. She lasted ten years with barely any major repairs, got great mileage, and apparently had great safety features ( hi I'm alive and functioning). So a Focus is a known quantity. I am currently renting a HHR and fell in love. I love the design, roominess, and engine power. Plus, there are many awesome safety features. The only possible downside is that they're discontinuing the HHR model. On the flip side, it is a flex fuel vehicle so hello ethanol.

My temp job has been extended. I have worked at the company already four weeks and it sounds like I can depend on another two. I really love the job. At first it was a pure Excel database research job - like combing through thousands of lines to update addresses or business codes. The final touches were completed this past week. I got a lot of praise on my work and attention to detail. What? Yup, you read that correctly. I'm not a total flake who spaces on details now. After the last couple of rounds of unemployment, that skill has improved tenfold! Maybe it got better with experience? Self awareness? ADD medication? Or anxiety made me ask the right questions? I'm just glad I have improved on that front. Now, I am in numbers heaven with a project researching contract compliance under a new supervisor. Then, the company's head honcho wants my help next week. To recap, this job is allowing me to wow three supervisors. I really like the people I work with and my commute is a dream.

Finally, I have become addicted to this. Pinterest is the reason why I don't get to sleep on time and also why you might see me sporting new hairdos. At first, I really got into retro stuff and loved the walks down memory lane. Now I have 20 boards and 535 pins. Me now:

Employed Interlude

I lucked into a contract gig in Quincy this week. It's supposed to last about 3 weeks. The pay is miniscule (barely better than unemployment). The way I got this job is thanks to a job interview for another position in the company so when this project came up, they thought of me!

It is an Excel nerds dream job. I basically need to clean up a database that was screwed up by an outside company. It's tens of thousands of lines and I need to research addresses and coding. So, I am using filters and color coding a lot. I also have to pack visine and my iPod. The people I work with are really nice and my commute is under ten minutes so I am a pretty happy camper.

Titration Sucks Donkey Gonads

The past couple of days I have been out of commission. Why? Because I entered week 2 of taking Lamotrigine. Week 2 is when I had to double my dosage by taking two pills a day (50 mg). I tried one in the morning and one before bed. I felt really gross so I did one in the morning and one after dinner. Day 3 I stayed in bed wracked with nausea, crying jags, dizziness, and utter exhaustion. Hands down it was the worst side effects I've ever had on any medication. Basically, every warning in the pill pamphlet came true. I finally got up and nibbled on something at 7:00 PM. Thank goodness I have an appointment with my medication doc this week! 50 mg ain't my speed. Unfortunately, I don't think 25 mg is considered therapeutic so I'm worried if my meds will be changed. Thank goodness that I'm unemployed so these experiments in brain chemistry have minimal impact!

You Should Buy These ASAP!

Remember how I fell three times last winter and completely wrecked my knees winding up in PT for months? Since I had no plans on moving to Florida, I did some research on what gives the best traction in the winter. So I bought these babies back in August.

My goodness, YaxTrax are simple amazing! I used them all the time for my Stowe weekend. I walked up to a ski lodge on packed snow with just my sneakers and my Trax. I also walked to a bar over melting ice in dress shoes and my Trax. You can walk like a normal person without any shuffling or teetering. Also, what would you rather pack? Boots or YaxTrax that lie completely flat. Just stuff a plastic bag in your purse and whip them off once you get inside. Warning, walking on tile or marble does feel like skating.

Ringing in the Year

I know, I know it has been a month. So, apologies all around. It wasn't like I didn't have the time to blog, I didn't get around to it.

The Good

• The Medical Security Program is now covering 80% of my monthly premium. No more loans from my retired fixed income father - woohoo! Also, I had help figuring out the paperwork and submission process from my local career center. So I highly recommend sucking up pride and using them as a resource!
  
• My chorus concert went amazingly well. Standing ovations and an additional arts grant! My parents were blown away. They have schlepped to all my performances over the decades. This is the first one that had them gushing praise with awe in their eyes.
  
• My Xmas weekend was really nice. I got to see a bunch of family, had good laughs, and my mother and brother outdid themselves with our family holiday dinner. I also got great gifts!
  
• I had an amazing New Years weekend. I attended this event. Fell in love with Stowe, VT and met a bunch of great people. Otter Creek IPA is a stout that tastes like a lager. Also Switchback is a great non-hoppy brew. By the way, Vermont's unemployment rate is 5.3%...
• Two job possibilities in the fire.

The Middling

• Over the holidays, my brother introduced me to a video game called Skyrim. If you liked Game of Thrones, you'd like this. The graphics looks like those mini-movies in video games but now you can play in the movie! It's even fun watching someone else play. My brother's main avatar is a cat person. So on one fun booze fueled play demonstration, he went on a killing spree fus ro dahing everything. So we made up a song called "Murder Cat". Ugh, I am soo tempted to buy a PS3 but I am poor...
• I'm taking a new medication in addition to Citalopram. The goal is that this medication will dial down impulsivity and even me out. I'm not thrilled to add to my morning pills but so far Lamotrigine seems to have calmed me down by making me tired so it takes longer for me to make decisions. Buying mental time. But I really have to be careful drinking with this drug combo. I have no tolerance and hangovers are wicked.
  

The Bad

• I was sick for three weeks with a head cold that settled into my chest. I finally made a doctor's appointment and was put on a new (for me) anti-biotic, Doxycycline. I recovered in time for Xmas but it took a while to get rid of the wheezing and night sweats.
• I had a horrible job interview where I completely crashed and burned. It wasn't set up in the way I was told. It was two hours and group behavioral interviews. I was fine in the first group. I used solid examples and got to the point. But then I had to wait 45 minutes for the next group sitting in a lobby with the other potential candidates. And I stupidly decided to try to use new examples so I wouldn't be repeating myself. One lady in this group very obviously did not like me so I got rattled and wound up babbling a lot. Surprise, I didn't get the job.
• I broke my right kidney. Holiday excess put a huge strain on my kidney so this week I'm cutting sugar, upping water and cranberry juice. I thought I had just strained my back but after talking to my mom, she suggested it could be my kidney. Lo and behold a change in diet diminished my pain!